Christmas 2010

Christmas is magical...especially when you have kids to share it with.  There is just something about seeing it through the eyes of a child.  Leaving the cookies for santa (Cortlan left about eight).  Feeding the reindeer (both kids had to put their boots on to shake the glittery food on the snow).  The anticipation.  Waking on Christmas morning with excitement and gasping at the wrapped treasures under the tree.  Even I had a more difficult time sleeping on Christmas Eve.

Our Christmas traditions begin on Christmas Eve, when we have my in-laws over for socializing, dinner and gifts, and a traditional reading of The Night Before Christmas.  Christmas morning is time for us to slowly enjoy the opening of presents, breakfast, and whatever else we feel like doing as a family of four.  After the kids have their naps, we head over to my parent's house for dinner and gifts with them.  If we are lucky (and this year, we were) we are able to put the kids to sleep there and enjoy the evening with some adult conversation.  This year was pretty typical in routine, and we loved every minute of it.  Even the moments that made it unique, like

• A beautiful church service with lots of singing, Everly's diaper leaking, and Cortlan obsessing over the candle we got to hold.
• Bringing up the turkey from the garage refrigerator on Christmas Eve morning, five days after putting it there to thaw, and two hours or so before it was to go in the oven, and finding it rock-solid frozen.  Still.  Fortunately, the grocery store had a fresh one left.  Otherwise, who knows what new tradition may have started.
• Our family picture in which the kids are dressed in their beautiful red and black Christmas outfits, but in which makes the appearance of two pillow pets and new winter hats.  The picture wasn't going to happen otherwise.
• Everly crying herself to sleep because she wanted to wear her new shoes from Grandma to bed on Christmas Eve.
• Cortlan waking in the morning to ask us if he was allowed to see if Santa had come, and then when he saw that he indeed had, running straight to the present that he was sure was the grill he wanted.  He opened it first, and he was right.
• Everly tearing into her presents like a champ, and loving every one, but us having to stop halfway through as she totally stripped down to her diaper and declared that she needed to get dressed.  "Desst!  Desst!!"
• Cortlan staying in his PJ's until after nap because he did not want to get dressed.
• Everly making crazy monsters with twenty different appendages with the new Play-Doh set that she got, while Cortlan made us burgers and hot dogs on the grill.
• Everly and my dad rubbing noses, laughing, and upon stopping, her saying, "Moe!  Nos!!"  (More nose!) Again and again and again.
• Cortlan telling me a bedtime story about himself and his cousins that included the line, "and up the hill I ran."

The holiday was filled with too many toys, but many, many joys.

Magical.

A letter from Santa

Dear Cortlan and Everly,

Thank you for the yummy cookies! My favorite was the stocking that was so beautifully decorated. The reindeer really enjoyed their snack, too.

You both have been very good this year. I want you to keep working hard at sharing, being first-time listeners, and not whining.

I hope you enjoy the gifts I have brought and that you take good care of them and put your toys away when you are done playing with them. Also, I brought you some things that you should share with each other because I know you will both like them.

Keep working hard and make sure you tell your mommy and daddy that you love them. I know they love you very much.

Merry Christmas!

Love,
Santa Claus

My Snowflakes

My kids are on my mind today.

I am loving how they interact.  I am loving how they giggle and play.  I am loving how Everly admires her big brother so much, and how he plays right along with it. 

This weekend, we went to the mall.  Cortlan wanted to watch the fountain, and climbed up on the edge.  Everly got right up there with him, checked his stance, and adjusted herself so she was sitting just like him.  (I can't believe I didn't get a picture!)  Tonight, he was laughing with his hands over his mouth, and she made sure she was doing it just the same.  He bit his tongue while eating his vegetables at dinner and she reacted as if she had bit hers, too.  He gets a kick out of this, and is flattered by the imitation.  I know that can't possibly last.  But I can enjoy it while it does.

Cortlan's teachers gave him a drawing board with markers today, and of course he wanted to draw on it when we got home.  Everly was none too pleased that she didn't get one, too, but was happy enough once I brought out the paints.  "Everly, you are an artist!" said her big brother, proudly, as she created her masterpiece.  And she is.  She loves drawing and coloring and painting, and will sit on the stool for an hour making her designs.  Cortlan has always been a minimalist, and certainly has his own style.  Today, he was an artist, too. 

"Ooooh!" I said.  "Is that a spider?"

"No."

"A sunshine?" asks John.

"No!  Its a snowflake!"

"Ahhhh!  Of course!  And a beautiful snowflake it is."

A beautiful snowflake.  In many ways, my kids couldn't be any more different.  I am amazed by that every day.  And different doesn't mean bad.  Or good.  Just...different.  And I love it.  And I love them.

Not everything is how it appears

I try to focus on the positive here and remind myself that despite the fact that not everything goes right all of the time, life is pretty darn good.  But after the last post, I feel the need to include a disclaimer.  Things aren't always as rosy as they may seem.  A few cases in point:

I had to buy Clearasil this weekend.  And it isn't helping.  I don't know what the heck is going on, but my skin is suddenly worse than that of a teenager standing over the frier at BK.

Those cookies that I made?  Yeah.  First, they took hours.  Many things (like house cleaning) didn't get done as a result of making them.  And they probably have a little to do with my new figure (and perhaps my new complexion).

Cortlan's birthday is January 9th.  In the midst of the holiday craziness, I only just figured out what we are going to do for his party.  And nevermind the fact that I haven't gotten invites out yet.  Ok.  I haven't even bought them yet.

But for the grand finale of the day, enjoy the following excerpts from conversations with co-workers:

(classroom phone rings)
Me:  Hello?
Him:  Hey!  Did you give me a Christmas card?
Me:  (thinking that he is going to compliment me on the cuties in the pictures)Yes!
Him:  Well, it is a very nice envelope.  You know there was no card in it?
Me:  What?  There was no card in the envelope??
Him:  Nope.  But your handwriting on the front was nice.  That's how I knew it was from you.
Me:  Well, crap.  I hope yours is the only one!

Later, to another friend, in the copier room:
Me:  Hey, did you get a card from me?
Her:  No.
Me:  What?  Not even an envelope?
Her (looking at me quizzically): No.
(pause, as I try to figure out whose mailbox I must have put her card in)
Her:  But you know what?  So-and-so brought a really nice envelope to my room this morning and asked if I gave it to him.  He said there was no card in it.
Me:  Ohhhhhhh.  Yep.  That was from me.  It was a nice envelope, wasn't it?

Now, I wonder how many people got a mysterious silver-lined envelope with nice handwriting on the front.

Um. Yeah. I am going that crazy.

A wonderful weekend

It is an awesome weekend in December when...

...after discovering that most of our lights from last year no longer work and not being able to hang them anyway because the roof is covered with ice and snow, and after spending a bit too much money on an inflatable Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and over-sized solar-powered light bulbs that stick into the ground and tubes of red lights to wrap around the pillars of our front porch, our outside Christmas decorating is finally done.  And it was done before the rain (yes, rain) came.

...the aforementioned decorating is done by the hubs while I play with the kids in the snow.  In hopes that the kids would want to sledride, we dragged out the sleds.  Cort didn't want to because he didn't want to go fast.  He wanted to shovel the sidewalk and driveway instead.  Um, ok.  Deal.  (In actuality, he mostly shoveled the yard, because it was much easier.)  I took Everly down the hill in the sled, which was met with an immediate, "Moe."  So around and around we went...down the sidewalk, the driveway, up the not-so-steep hill, and then down the steeper hill of our front yard.

...I get to spend a nice couple of hours with some great friends from aerobics and the most delicious spinach bisque soup.  And chocolate raspberry tart.  And eggnog. 

...we get to have dinner with some of my favorite people prior to driving through an amazing display of lights, made much more entertaining by the text messaging occuring between the two cars.  The kids loved the lights.  The tunnels were Cort's favorite.  Everything was Ev's favorite, at least when asked in the form of yes or no questions.  (Were the teddy bears your favorite?  Desss. Did you like the tunnels best? Dessss.)

...I remember most of the lyrics to some old faves when singing at the top of my lungs with some great friends in their basement.  Hello, Violent Femmes.  I had almost forgotten about you.  Hello, again, Eddie Vedder.  I could never forget about you.

...the house is filled with the smells of nine dozen peppermint chocolate cookies baking on a Sunday afternoon.  And I did it with the help of my little baking buddy, who couldn't have been more excited to dump the ingredients into the mixer and watch it go around.

Loving these moments.

The tirimisu at Carmine's was heavenly

So I recently got back from a trip to NYC - four glorious days of bus and subway riding, tour going, show seeing, Christmas shopping, overeating, walking, and keeping track of other people's kids - to an overload of things to do and a sudden realization that Christmas is only a couple of weeks away.

I really missed my kids.  A lot.  I kept seeing kids in strollers and wishing I was happily pushing mine along as well.  (And then I would realize that the odds of my kids sitting that still just watching the world go by, watching their parents shop, and staying up way past their bedtime without so much as a peep or whimper or a "I wanna walk!!" are pretty slim.  I don't know if they sedated these kids or what, but it was almost weird.)

Anyway, two days later, I finally got the suitcase unpacked.  I also finally cracked the newspaper (really to just look at the ads at this point) and got to the end of the first paragraph in an article in the Parade magazine (that is tucked away in with the ads) before I stopped to record it here:

Jack Black's best parenting advice:  "Never try to make a happy child happier.  Just leave it alone.  When you try and kick it up to another level with a scoop of ice cream or whatever, it ruins everything."

So, so true.

November is a memory

It is hard for me to believe that it is the last day of November, and this is only post numero cinco of the month for me.  It is especially hard to believe because so much has happened this month.  A bazillion post ideas have come across my mind.  And if I could go directly from brain to post without the interference of actually having to sit down at the computer, you might just call me a blogging fool.  Or something like that.

There are many reasons that I write this blog.  Today, I am going to focus on preserving memories.

Memory #1:  The Fall Festival
I am thrilled that the kids' new school takes the time and effort necessary to put together things like the fall festival that was earlier this month.  Prior to the show, Cortlan came home talking about how they were going to get to be on stage and how they were practicing new songs.  They were working hard.  And in my head, I had ideas about how both kids would do when their respective classes got on stage.  I was right on some counts and wrong on others. 

First up was Everly and her class performing a "Freeze" dance.  The music played, kids danced and swayed, and then the teachers would say "freeze" and the kids would.  Or at least some kids did.  Everly got on stage (we hid so she wouldn't freak out when she saw us), purse in hand, and kinda wandered around to the music.  Generally speaking, she slowed down when they said, "freeze."  Though, at one point when most of the kids were frozen, she did do some fantastic bunny hops.  Other super cute moments:  Everly clasping her hands (purse securely on her arm) during the Baby Bumblebee song and lying down on command for the Sleeping Bunnies song. 

We got to watch a few other classes perform and the soon enough, Cortlan was up with his class.  The kids lined up, and Cortlan did a little nervous stare out into the crowd.  That didn't change a whole lot once the music began.  Though, his lips may have moved a little bit.  He certainly didn't distract anyone or act out like a couple of the kids did.  The songs were adorable ones of leaves falling and turkeys gobbling, and Cortlan stood there looking adorable in his handmade and decorated fall headdress.  When it was all said and done, he was so proud of his stage appearance, and we were so proud of both of them.  My heart went out to the parents whose kids cried and screamed for them and wouldn't even get on stage.  (But I was really glad to not be one of them this time.)

Memory #2: Thanksgiving Weekend
So many great things happened over the weekend, which was awesome to begin with because it was our first days off since Labor Day.  A quick summary of a few:  On Thanksgiving, we hung out, watched the parade, and didn't get out of our PJ's until after nap.  (Well, I got out of mine during the kids' nap.)  We then went to my parents' house where we got to spend an awesome afternoon/evening with family and good food.  Friday, after some Black Friday shopping on my part, the Christmas decorating began.  I love my house all dolled up for the holidays.  Saturday, Cortlan woke, went into the living room, and then excitedly proclaimed his news.  Our Elf on the Shelf was here!  Last year, Cortlan named his elf Caische (I can't tell you how long it took me to figure out how to spell that) and his presence in our house has made for a fun tradition already.  After breakfast, we took the kids to see Santa at the mall.  Cortlan told Santa what he has been telling everyone that he wants for Christmas:  A grill.  That is it.  A grill.  As usual, Cortlan has not asked for more than one thing.  Though, he did throw in a suggestion for Everly: some Play-Doh.  The day ended with the decoration of the Christmas tree.  I was thrilled at how excited Cortlan was with even the thought.  He could hardly contain himself as the time to hang the ornaments drew near.  In his words, "I am so excited that no one could ever believe it!"  That excitement was only matched by his excitement Sunday morning when he saw that Caische had moved to a new location.

Memory #3:  Let's Talk
I am not quite ready to do another "He said, She said" series of posts just yet, but I didn't want to skip mentioning the blossoming vocabulary and speech of Everly.  What began at the beginning of the month as "Elly's pretty" has led to "I want more ketchup."  Ok, so to the common person it may have sounded like, "Aaant moe deh dah."  But to me it was crystal clear.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Part of me wants to write a long and poignant (and probably trite) entry today, Thanksgiving Day.  But, the other part of me is saying keep it short and sweet.  That is the same part who has enjoyed every moment of today so far, from the French Toast breakfast to watching the parade to the fact that we spent most of the day in PJ's so far (in fact, the kids are napping in theirs right now).  I am going to do my best.

When I was a kid, I didn't quite "get" this holiday.  It just seemed a bit odd.  I mean, I got the concept of the pilgrims and the traditional idea behind the feast, but mostly, it seemed to me to be a day centered around eating a lot of food.  And back then, I didn't like pumpkin pie, and I was so-so on turkey, and though I couldn't get enough of my mom's mashed potatoes, she did make them other days of the year, too.  So, the food thing was kind of lost on me.  But what wasn't lost on me was how awesome it was to go to Grandma's house and be around a ton of family.  To laugh, to play, to enjoy. 

And I am pretty sure that is all it has to be about for a kid.

I asked Cortlan this morning what he was thankful for.  His toy cars, he said.  And then, after a pause, he added, "And Mommy, and Daddy, and Everly, too."  Not bad, for a pushing-four-year-old.

As for me, every year, I have gained a greater appreciation for this special holiday.  Even though it marks the beginning of the madness of the Christmas shopping season, Thanksgiving is one of the few holidays not yet marred by commercialism (too much).  It is a day solely reserved for loving and being thankful and enjoying the company of others.  And reflecting.

I could write for hours about all of the things that I am thankful for.  But I am going to try to condense it:  I am thankful for every person who has come into my life, for they have made me who I am.  I am thankful for every challenge, every failure, and every triumph and success.  I am thankful for the blessings in health, material goods, spirit, and security that I have.  I am thankful that my kids are blessed with those things, too.  I am thankful for laughter and tears, and perspective.

I am thankful for all of the moments.

This year, more than ever before, I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

My apologies

Coming off of a series of stressful and beyond-busy weeks that included all day Saturday rehearsals, followed by all day Monday rehearsals, followed by performances that began last Tuesday, followed by the end of the fall play season at 1:30 AM Sunday morning, and being that it was an uncharacteristically, amazingly gorgeous, November day with temperatures in the upper 60s, and being that it is now, officially, week seven of my 6-8 week doctor-ordered hiatus from running, it seemed an appropriate time to hit the pavement.

So I did.

I got home from school, quickly changed, grabbed my i-pod, tied up the laces, and headed out the door.

Wow, did it feel great to be out there again.  But who knew I would lose so much endurance, speed, stamina, and lung capacity in seven weeks?

Yes, running to my dentist appointment seemed like a great idea at the time.

But, I would now like to make a couple of formal apologies.

First, I would like to apologize to the dentist for being ten minutes late to my appointment.  I knew I wasn't going to be exactly on time, but I was thinking maybe a not-so-noticeable 3, 4 minutes late.  I obviously hadn't calculated for the molasses in my legs (or the crosswalks).

Second, I would like to apologize to the hygienist...for forgetting how much I sweat.  I have had more embarrassing moments, but laying there on her chair...well, maybe you can picture it.  It wasn't pretty.

Yep.  It seemed like a great idea at the time. 

And we won't discuss the fact that running home was my only option upon walking out of the dentist's office.

At least I wasn't late for dinner.

And on that day...

I was folding laundry at nine o'clock last night, when I found myself reminiscing of a life past.  Of a time when...

• I could watch Oprah any day of the week at 4 o'clock.  Even horizontally aligned, snuggled under a blanket, dozing, if I so desired.
• I had a very clean house.  Crazy clean, by my current standards.  Like, the kind of clean that I might be willing to pay top dollar for right now.  And I didn't even mind cleaning because, hey, what else did I have to do?
• I made fancy dinners and tried all kinds of new recipes that had all kinds of new ingredients.  I didn't mind being in the kitchen.
• I didn't step on a single toy for years at a time, as opposed to hours.
• I looked for things to do.  And often that meant seeing a movie.  Or shopping.  (Or cleaning.) 
• I watched the entire football game on Sunday instead of heading to the store (because that also happens to coincide with nap time and the stores are less crowded because everyone else is at home watching the game).  Oh, and I knew the players names and could even talk about awesome or not-so-awesome plays the next day at lunch.
• I had current music in my collection.
• I exercised 4-6 days per week for at least an hour each day.
• My husband and I enjoyed working on home improvement projects.  And we did them together.  At normal hours of the day.
• I could finish all of the laundry for the week in one day, if I wanted to.
• My house was quiet.

And as I reminisced, I found myself insanely jealous of some of my friends.

And then it hit me.

I will be able to lay on the couch and watch TV at 4 o'clock again someday.
And I will be able to make fancy dinners again someday.
And I won't have very much laundry to do someday.

And my house will be quiet again someday.
Too quiet.

And on that day, I will remember when...

Here comes November

After a long and frustrating day, I am about to sit down with my work computer on the couch in front of Glee (so that it doesn't feel quite as work-ish).  Work is not what I feel like doing.  But I need to, just to keep my head above water right now.  November, into December, is notoriously the craziest time of the year for me.  And here it is.  November 2.  Already.  So, in an effort to do something that I want to do before doing something that I have to do, I am going to share a few quick stories here. 

• Halloween - quite a success.  Both kids were totally into the pumpkin carving/painting scene.  Ev loved the "guts" and lots and lots of paint.  (Might have to add some pictures here.)  Cort loved the design process and scooping out the guts - with a spoon.  And making ears on the pumpkins, which was very important to him.  Trick-or-treating was a bit chilly, but otherwise awesome.  Everly was in her element.  Any day she has a reason to put something into a bag that she can carry on her arm is a good day.  Cortlan used his best trick-or-treat manners at every house.
• Two in-service days in a row were much welcome.  Not that I don't love teaching the kids, and honestly, I generally prefer to do so.  But I desperately needed a catch-up day.  Obviously, I didn't get as much caught up as I'd hoped (as only half of one of the days was not consumed by meetings).  But there are a few additional bonuses of the in-services:  1.  We get to wake the kids up just a touch later than normal and take our time getting ready and getting to school. 2.  John and I get an hour and a half for lunch.  Read: the best we can do for a date.  Yay! for being the first into Miyako on a Monday that happened to be the last day to use the Entertainment book coupon.
• Everly needed new tennis shoes so she and I made a trip today to find some.  There were definitely highs and lows to the process.  Once Everly saw the shoes, she wanted all of them and started ranting and tearing off the shoes she was wearing.  Store 1: None her size in my price range.  Store 2: Found a cute pair that had laces.  The ones with velcro cost three times as much.  (They know what parents want.)  I decided to risk it and get the ones with laces.  I figure we will have to get up earlier in the morning as a result, but hey, I saved some money.  And Everly LOVES them.  In fact, she screamed the entire way home about them.  She was mad that they weren't on her feet.  (Is it bad that after trying to calm her down numerous times I just turned up the radio really, really loud?)  But the best was that when we got home, she had to have them on to "show Daddy."  The problem was that Daddy wasn't home.  She waited by the door crying for Daddy with her shoes on until he came home (at least fifteen minutes later), at which point she ran proudly around the basement in what Cortlan has dubbed "her running shoes."  Disclaimer:  Everly is getting two teeth, and is ultra sensitive these days.
• We got to vote today, and the kids got to share in the experience with us.
• Cortlan declared, "I don't like girls anymore.  But I love you, Mommy."
• Everly said her first sentence, "Elly's pretty."  (Elly is our boxer.)

Benefits

Sometimes, I really wonder why I have magazine subscriptions.  I have three.  There is a pile on my counter of prior months' issues that I have every intention of getting to, though it may be December when I finally get to the one that has all the cute ideas for Halloween.  So yes, I sometimes wonder why I have the subscriptions.  But the great thing about magazines is that they require little commitment.  I can read an entire article in the five minutes it takes for me to eat my breakfast and feel like I have actually started and finished something (a rarity these days).  I don't feel pressured by magazines like I do books...I won't crack a book unless I know I have ample time to devote to reading it from cover to cover.  Not so with a magazine.  There is no long term relationship expected by a magazine.  Nope.  It's more like a blind date.  Or a one night stand, I suppose.

The date I had with my magazine this morning lasted about forty-five seconds.  And I will share every detail with you right now.

Straight from Shape magazine, page 31 of the November issue (yes, I skipped October so I had a chance of catching something current.  I will get back to you, October, I promise):

SAVOR THE SIMPLE THINGS.  While having a hefty paycheck is nice, it can make it harder to enjoy life's little pleasures.  A study in Psychological Science found that the higher a person's salary, the less they savored small things like a piece of chocolate.  Researchers believe it's because as you earn more, you have greater access to expensive experiences that make you happy, so you don't notice the mini moments.  Take time to appreciate a sunny day or dinner with friends.  Rich or poor, you'll be enjoying every minute.

Do you find this as interesting as I did?  Personally, I am happy to savor a piece of chocolate (or a Reese's Cup, as it may be) and I am happy to hear a non-conventional plus to having a non-plus-sized paycheck.  Oh, and a reminder to appreciate the moments never gets past me.

Highlight Reel

Some days aren't the best.  Some days are long and frustrating and stressful and overloaded and without enough of the things I love the most.  It is on those days that I find an exercise in identifying the best of recent moments is most beneficial.  When you are writing them down, you can't help but focus on the positives.  After all, life is about the moments, right?  I want to preserve the good ones.  So, here is my highlight reel of recent days:

• Our annual trip to the pumpkin patch with our little pumpkins.  We took pictures beside the growth chart pumpkin on the side of the barn.  (It is amazing to think that last year, Everly couldn't even stand next to her brother for the occasion; this year she stood with her purse on her arm saying, "cheese!!")  We walked through the corn maze.  We played in the grain shed with dump trucks and diggers.  Everly had her first hayride; she sat perfectly still perched on a hay bale between John and me and loved every minute.  The rest of us did, too.  And of course, we picked the best pumpkins and took home a gallon of apple cider.
• A picturesque Sunday morning spent climbing over rocks and tree roots through the woods at one of the most beautiful places around. 
• Cortlan getting to be "Star Student" at school for the week.
• Everly drinking out of a big girl cup like a pro.
• A text that read "What are you doing on November 14th at 8:30 AM?"  Ummm....not sure.  Eating breakfast?  Having a cup of coffee?  Saying "Happy Birthday" to my husband?  Nope! Those things will need to be done a bit earlier on that day, because at least until the date is confirmed, I now have tentatively written on my calendar that I am going to become a Godmother to one of the most precious baby girls!  Yay!  So honored and happy. 
• A family yoga night.  We actually all did yoga with the wii.  Even the kids did some of the poses.  It was hysterical and so much fun.  Down dog is so much more enjoyable with a 19 month-old giggling as she crawls under and her brother following suit.
• An early Halloween play date with "mummy wrap hot dogs" (of which Everly ate two and a half), mac and cheese, and delicious spaghetti squash (well, at least I thought it was delicious), painted ghost hand puppets (with paint that actually went where it was supposed to, for the most part), an awesome storytelling friend (I enjoyed listening as much or more than the kids did), a counting and tally-marking activity with yummy ghost marshmallows, and Halloween cupcakes to top it off.  (Can I tell you how much I love my elementary school teacher friends??)
• And finally, I can't forget the moments in between - the hugs and kisses, the "I love you, Mommy"s, the bedtime stories, the family dinners, the singing and dancing, conversations with friends, even the breakthroughs with students and an entertaining play rehearsal - all of those things that too often get lost in the stress of the shuffle of the day - the moments that make life worth loving.

Looking forward

I walked up to the front of the school for play rehearsal Saturday to find a few of the girls already waiting.  The school was locked; I proceded to call someone to open it for us.  In the meantime, I realized that I had approached mid-conversation, and nearly mid-breakdown.  My mom has made me cry nearly every day this week.  I just can't imagine there is anyone a bigger bitch than she is.  (Followed by a quick apology to me, I am assuming for the curse word.)  My lighthearted response:  That's ok.  But maybe you can tell me what she did, so I can make sure that I don't do the same to my daughter.

Which got me thinking:  It is hard to be a teenage girl.  And it is going to be damn hard to be a mom to a teenage girl.

October Happiness

Today, happiness came in the form of:

• A beautiful fall day, with the sun shining and the sky a gorgeous blue
• Everly peeing on the potty at school for the first time
• Cortlan learning and talking about "Stop, Drop, and Roll"
• A trip to the park, complete with pushing the kids on the swings, cheering at a soccer game (for teams we didn't even know), conversations through the talk tubes, the three of us going down the slide, and a visit with Grandma
• Leftovers (yay for microwaves!)
• A battle-free dinner with two kids eating their peas
• Spin class (my first exercise since being banished from running) with lots of sweat and awesome loud music and some friends I haven't seen in a while

And finally, happiness came in the form of peaceful reflection of the day.  While eating kettle corn.

You?

And so it ends, for now

It is Reese's Peanut Butter Cup season and I just found out on Friday that I can't run for at least 6-8 weeks.  This just can't possibly be a good combination.

Since I previously mentioned the hip issues I have been having, I figure I will follow up on the topic.  I ran my race on September 26 and ran it well, by my standards.  With the caffeine, the adrenaline, the endorphins, and the ibuprofen coursing through my body, I could hardly tell that I was having issues with my hip as I ran.  Fast forward to 3:45 AM after the race, when I adjusted my sleeping position.  Just the minor shift in body weight sent a screaming signal of pain that woke me from a peaceful sleep.   It happened again a half-hour later.  And then again.  And again.  And come time to step out of the bed in the morning, an uncontrollable and quite audible yelp of pain leapt from my mouth.  Not good.  Not good at all.

So after that, I didn't run.  Or do anything.  And honestly, it started to feel a little bit better.  I had an orthopedic specialist appointment scheduled for Friday, nearly two weeks post-race.  I was feeling good enough that I wanted to see what would happen if I ran.  Maybe the appointment was unnecessary?  So Thursday night, I did run.  And it felt great!  Great to get moving, great to feel the rhythm of my cadence, great to get away for thirty minutes with MY music playing in my ear, great to get my blood flowing, great to break a sweat.  Great, that is, until the following morning.  So off to the doc's I hobbled.

After one of the most humiliating events in recent memory (it involved an x-ray and I will leave it at that), the doctor informed me that I have adductor and abductor issues.  He told me that I can cycle or do the elliptical (neither of which I have), but no running for 6-8 weeks.  He gave me a prescription for physical therapy, for which I have no time unless I can get appointments after 8 o'clock.  He gave me a prescription for a mild muscle relaxer, which I have yet to fill.

At this point, I am feeling pretty bummed about no running, especially since I had come to truly enjoy and look forward to it, and I had found my groove.  But I also realize that a change in pace might be good.  What worries me is that I am not entirely sure what went wrong to cause the issue and, therefore, I am not sure exactly how to prevent it from happening again.  I guess I am now just hoping to somehow be able to maintain the cardiovasular shape I have managed thus far and be ready to start the whole training process over again in early 2011, realistically. 

In the mean time, lock up the Reese's Cups.

She Says, No. 3

Everly:  Daddy!  Daddy! 
Me:  Daddy is downstairs.
Everly:  Oh. 
Seriously?  A not-quite-nineteen month old uses the term, "oh" correctly?  Well, I have been listening carefully to her use of it, and it seems as though she does! 

And though her vocabulary seems to increase exponentially on a daily basis, here are some of her (and my) faves:

• Bumblebee (as in her Halloween costume that she loves to wear at any random moment, which was given to her by her Uncle Jimmy, aka "POPPY!"  Interestingly, that is also what she calls my dad, and she adores them both.)
• Baby (she loves pointing out babies, even ones that are her age.  She doesn't seem to get that she falls into the same category.)
• Elly (our dog, who she calls to on a regular basis.  I think that she just likes to see if Elly will come to her.)
• yes (sounds like desssssss)
• silly (sounds like siwwy)
• my! (means my or mine, and is said very emphatically when she wants something)
• bus (she correctly calls out the name when she sees one on the road, which kind of caught me off guard the first time she did it)
• book (of which she wants many, many read)
• Max and Abby (her friends at school)
• Momo (aka Elmo)
• belly (sounds like belwy, generally said while pulling up her - or someone else's - shirt and pointing)
• beep (said with a giggle when touching someone's nose)
• and of course, baaaaaa!  (her beloved purse/bag, for which she has hollored in the middle of the night, and which she carries around at school all.day.long)

He Says, No. 3

I am acting like this because I am so punched up!! 
(He meant "pumped up."  And he was acting like a maniac.)

A contribution from my mom from a recent Monday, a Grandma Day:  "After watching Sesame and getting dressed, we went to Costco. Cort was a huge help getting ready for the trip..."
Cortlan: I got us a snack. (raisins) And I need to bring some toys. Here, carry these. Do you have drinks? You should probably bring drinks for us.
My mom:  Goodness Cort, we’re going to Costco, not driving to Erie.
Cortlan:  Where is Erie?
My mom:  Far. Long drive.
Cortlan:  Well then we’d probably fly there. Maybe Costco will have samples.

And one from my mother-in-law:
Cortlan:  Grandma, can you set up my tent?
My MIL:  I don't think so, Cortlan.  I don't know if I can do that.
Cortlan:  It's not complicated, Grandma.

Me, after Everly knocked all of the Cooties pieces off of the board while we were trying to play: I am sorry, Cortlan.
Cortlan: You don't have to apologize, Mommy.

They told me I was happy

I know.  I know.  This is supposed to be my happy place...a place where I record all the good stuff.  But you know what?  It has been another rough few days.  I think that the hectic pace of life kind of starts to get to me after a while.  The novelty of a new schedule and a new routine has worn off.  My family members are too seldom all in the same place at the same time for my tastes.  And the to-do list keeps getting bigger while the time available keeps getting smaller.  So, this morning I was really not feeling very happy. 

Then I checked my e-mail and came across this on the yahoo site.  And what do you know?  I am happier than I think I am!

Just in case you don't feel like actually looking at the article, the title is "9 signs you are happier than you think."  Let's take a look:

You were a smiley student.  Well, I didn't get a college yearbook picture taken that I remember.  Maybe I did.  Did I?  Hmmm.  I don't know.  But I bet if I did, I was pretty darn smiley.  I know I was in my high school yearbook.

You have a sister.  I do!  I do!!

You are not glued to the TV.  I am not.  Unfortunately, it generally isn't because I am socializing, reading, or attending religious functions, so I am not sure that this one works for me.  BUT, I am generally playing with my kids, exercising, cleaning, or sleeping instead of watching TV.  That has got to count for something, right?

You keep souvenirs on display.  Hmm.  Do photos count?  Some of my favorite pictures on display are the ones that my husband and I got professionally taken on our honeymoon and the pictures of my kids at the beach.  Souvenirs?  You mean like mugs and bells and stuff?  Nope.  Though, we do get Christmas ornaments from our vacation spots that get displayed on our tree.  So, yeah.  I am giving myself credit for this one, too.

You make exercise a priority.  Um.  Yeah.  If you have read this blog before (even just the most recent post) you know this one is a big fat yes.

You have a healthy love life.  Blush.  No comment.  (My mother-in-law and sister-in-law read this!!)

You hang out with happy people.  My kids are darn happy, if I do say so myself.  But, yes, I do have a few other happies in my life.  And I love the time I get to spend with them.

You stay warm with hot cocoa.  Yay!  I love hot cocoa!!  I just had some tonight!  And this makes me think I should drink more of it.  Nice.

You have two best friends.  In high school, there was always an officially designated person recorded as my "best friend."  I even had the be-fri and st-ends necklaces at one point.  (Remember those?)  Those "best"  friend lines got a little more blurry as I have gotten older, but I can think of at least two people I know I can call in any situation and they will be there for me 100%.  That is a pretty great feeling.

So, there you have it:  a self-scored, perfect 9 out of 9.  Who cares how I felt this morning?!  I am happier than I think I am!

My "Great Race"

As a kid, there are so many things to get excited about and look forward to:  birthdays and birthday parties, holidays like Christmas and Halloween, sleepovers, the first snow, school dances, etc.  Somehow, as an adult, a lot of those things lose a little bit of their shine.  Of course, now that I have kids of my own, I kind of live vicariously through them, and enjoy those types of things right along with them.  But, honestly, Christmas just wasn't as magical as a twenty-two year old childless woman who didn't even have her own home as it was to my seven year-old self, for example.  Even now, birthday parties are stressful because I have to plan them; the first snow brings fears of horrible road conditions; and the thought of my child's first school dance kind of makes me shudder.  I remember what they were like.

But let me tell you, I have honestly been looking forward to, and excited about, the race that I ran today.  I mean, couldn't-get-to-sleep-last-night-and-woke-before-the-alarm-went-off-at-6 AM excited.  And now, just slightly more than twelve hours past the time that I boarded the shuttle to the start line with a great friend by my side, I am still feeling the highs of the day.  Age-telling injury aside, I think I have found my fountain of youth.  Not only does running make me feel that I am doing something healthy for myself and helps me to be a good role model for my kids, it also keeps me rejuvinated and motivated.  It gives me a release and much-needed, feel-good endorphins.  It gives me at least half an hour to myself, or if I feel like multi-tasking, at least half an hour to socialize with a friend.

And today, it gave me a feeling of accomplishment, of a well-deserved pay off, and a smile that I can't wipe off my face.  It gave me that excitement that I remember feeling as a kid - the kind that lasts and lasts.  It took me back to high school and the feelings I got then when I raced.  But back then, I ran for less than 30 seconds a pop.  This was a long-lasting, bell-ringing, people-clapping, heart-racing, adreneline-filled run that I enjoyed to the fullest.  I have never run a 10K before, but I will run this race again.  I have officially turned into a person I never thought I would become.  And I am thrilled.

My friend and I entered the race together and promised each other that we wouldn't hold each other back.  We weaved through the crowd together through most of the first half of the race, an exciting adventure in itself.  I was happy to be only a handful of steps behind her by mile four.  At mile four and a half, I lost her as she pulled ahead.  I was genuinely happy for her and thrilled that I had her to run with; I know I did as well as I did because she was there not allowing me to mentally flake out of the race.  Now, I am pretty sure she is feeling what I am feeling as we exchange text messages that go something like this:

Me:  "Still feeling great about the day. And the best is that i feel like i have room to improve, too."
Her:  "Exactly. :)  We should do a race in the spring."
Me:  "Are you saying we are going to train thru winter???"

And the crazy thing is that I am considering it.




_____________________________________________
And for posterity's sake, my results (sorry, this is my self-designated place to record them):
Chip time: 46:54
Clock time: 48:47 (I had no idea it would take nearly 2 mintues to get to the start line!!)
Overall:  1141/7958
Females:  226/3843
Age group:  42/664
Pace:  7:33

Let's pretend

Sometimes, I think about how much I would like to be three years old again, just for a day.  Based on the intense emotional breakdowns that occur at times, and the not-so-perfect behaviors that lead to tear-filled time outs, I know that I wouldn't want to be three for very long.  But, just for a day, I would like to feel what it is like to not know so much about the real world, to not have so many responsibilities, to feel all the wonder and intrigue, to wear those tiny clothes, to have someone else make all of the decisions (and make all the dinners...)

And to be able to use an imagination like no one but a three year old can.

Yesterday, as I served dinner to the kids, I gave Cortlan a choice:  Would you like the blue plate or the orange?  His response:  I would like the orange.  But can I pretend it is yellow?  Absolutely.

Imagine if it were that easy as a grown up.  Would you like to drive the 2001 Suzuki or the 2007 Suzuki today?  I will take the 2007, but can I pretend that it is a Lexus?  Would you like spaghetti or chicken for dinner tonight?  I will take the chicken, but can I pretend it is lobster?  Would you like to go to Walmart or the grocery store after school today?  I suppose the grocery store, but can I pretend it is the beach?

Absolutely.  Pretend all you want...

Let's give it a go

So, I am working on day five without running.  In fact, this past weekend marked the first weekend since May that I didn't run at all.  I am not happy about this.  And I am willing to admit that this may be a large factor in my stress and mood these days.  With a hip injured about a week and a half ago, and the race I have been training for coming up on Sunday, I have been battling the decision to run versus not run.

Run:  Maybe it needs to be worked out.  I don't want to lose all of the fitness and results of the training I have been doing.  I was in prime shape to meet my goal.  Until the hip.  I need to run.

Don't run:  Maybe a few days of rest is all it needs and then it will be back good as new.  Maybe if I don't take off a few days, it will get worse and lessen my chances of being able to run the race.  Maybe after months of training, a few days off won't affect my performace.

It comes down to this:  I didn't run.  I don't really feel a whole lot better, but certainly no worse.  Physically, that is.  I am moody and disappointed.  I am going to try tonight to go a few miles.  I am going to ice it and take ibuprophen and stretch like nobody's business.  And then if it isn't feeling better, I will take a few more days off.  But unless it feels worse after tonight, I will be crossing that finish line come Sunday...one way or another. 

And THEN, if it still feels bad, I will go to the doctor. 

PS:  Don't worry.  I will be fine.  I won't do anything stupid.

Little Reminders

Five minutes ago, I was standing in my kitchen shoving barbecue potato chips in my face (having just raided my pantry of the snacks I bought on sale in case of "an emergency someday").  My husband looked up from emptying the dishwasher and chuckled, "I can tell when you are stressed."  Me?  Stressed?  Noooooooooo.  (Crunch, crunch.)

I just deleted five sentences about that stress.  Because even as I wrote those sentences, I realized that while the little things do add up, and the feeling of a loss of control can bring anyone to her knees at times, my problems are minimal compared to what others are dealing with right now.  I think it is human nature to have an inflated sense of self every now and then, to be confined in our own personal universes in which things seem overly important.  And the need to dwell on those things is very real at times.  We all have a breaking point.

But my reason for writing tonight isn't to dwell on the negative.  My reason is to stop and collect before I get to that breaking point.  My reason is to remind myself that I need to look beyond the negative for all of those things that I love about life.  Sometimes those things are right there, and it just takes a little rubbing of the eyes to refocus on the important stuff.  Despite certain things that make it difficult at times, and certain moments that I would rather do without, this is life. And I really do love it.

Let the refocusing begin.

Today, I love it because my kids make me laugh, and they've managed to do that often lately.  Like this afternoon, when, after reading a Dr. Seuss book in which Hooper is called a party pooper, Cortlan told me,  "I only poop in the potty when I am at a party."  Thank goodness!  Wouldn't want that kind of party pooper in my family.

And Monday, on our first Grandma Day of the school year (LOVE Grandma Days!), Cortlan decreed to both of his Grandmas, "There will be no time-outs when Grandmas are here."  I got that story from my mom, and laughed at his apparent boldness and sense of authority.  And I laughed again when I got off of the phone and told him that I got the scoop from Grandma about the day.  His concerned, yet hopeful, response:  "Was it an ice cream scoop?"

And Everly has made me laugh, too.  A neighbor gave her a tattoo yesterday - you know, the kind that you put on your hand, put a wet paper towel on, gently remove the paper backing, and voila! A snazzy dinosaur!  Then - tears.  Then a rough communication that brings to light the issue:  what she really wanted was the paper backing and wet paper towel on her hand.  So, she walked around holding said paper and towel on her hand for over an hour, fussing each time it fell off until it was put back on.  I couldn't help but laugh.  It took the removal of the dinosaur for her to give up the paper and towel accessories at bath time.  Lesson learned.

And it's not just the laughter that I love.

I love how this morning, when I gently woke Cortlan up by saying, "Good morning, buddy-bud!" the response I got was, "Good morning, Mommy!"

I love how good Everly is getting at giving hugs.  And how she pushes her nose against mine and just holds it there smiling when she is trying to be especially affectionate.

I love that now that I am thinking about it, I realize that I could fill the pages of the things that I love in my life. 

Mission Refocus: Begun with success.

What do you love?

Purses and bags

I realize that many women love purses and would gladly spend copious amounts of money on them.  I have been in the Coach Outlet.  I have also quickly walked out of the Coach Outlet.  I generally do not want anything to do with purses.  If I didn't need somewhere to put my credit cards and ID, I wouldn't even carry a wallet.  In fact, anytime my husband is with me, I don't carry anything of the sort.  He has the same credit card as me anyway, and if I need my ID and don't have pockets, he can carry that, too.  He draws the line at carrying my lipstick, so if I don't have a pocket for it, it doesn't come.  And really, what else do you need a purse for?  Lipstick and a wallet.  If I carry one for any length of time, the rest of the space just gets consumed by junk - receipts, outdated coupons, old grocery lists.  I carried a diaper for a while once...

But I digress.

My daughter is obsessed with bags.  And I really mean any kind of bag.  It started with a grocery bag.  Realizing that was a bit dangerous and after hearing about a very loud and drawn out battle when dropping her off at daycare one morning, a librarian friend gave her a tote bag:

She seriously couldn't have been happier...

Until she found a lunch tote in a drawer at home.  Then, for a while, she carried the lunch tote in the Dr. Seuss bag.  "Baaaaaaaaaa!!  Baaaaaaa!!  Baaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!" is all we heard if the bag wasn't in sight.  Or worse, if it was in sight but she couldn't get to it.  It needed to be with her in the car, on the way to school, and for quite a while at school.  The girl needed to have a bag on her shoulder.

So today, I decided that perhaps, even though it is completely not my nature, it was time to get Everly a bag that is her size.  It was time to get her her very own purse.

So off to Target we went while Cortlan and John were at taekwondo.  The issue quickly became one of not enough arms:

She wanted them all.  And she is pointing at another one that she wants.

My sincerest apologies to the Target worker who found three little girl purses hidden behind the diapers.  I had to hide them while she was distracted.  There was just no other way.  We settled on the Hello Kitty purse.  And here it is now:

 

I wanted to flip the purse over to show the Hello Kitty side, but I was afraid she would tear my arm off if I touched it.

Still learning

One of these days, I will be able to write a full-fledged, reflective, and thought-out post again.  But until then, here is what I have recently learned...

• That you don't have to spend money on kids to make some great memories.  We went to the local fair, with free admission, and my kids were just as entertained by the cows and horses and sheep and goats and tractors and exhibits as they are at the zoo when we go.  And the marching band that plays on opening night (the same band that I marched with so many years ago) was awe-inspiring to them and cause for even Everly to sit still and pay attention.
• That a big guy with a big white beard can be a little creepy to encounter when standing in line for a funnel cake (ok, so I did spend a few dollars), especially when he starts asking Cortlan if he has been a good boy.  But when he shows a picture of he and his wife dressed in their perfect red holiday clothes, and starts mentioning that Rudolph would like some cereal this year since he was getting so many carrots last year, and starts telling Cortlan that he has to make sure he keeps being a good boy, I just have to play along.  Cort was mesmerized and the experience was simply enchanting.  Yes, we will be leaving chocolate chip cookies for Santa this year, as per request.
• That I just cannot get anywhere between the hours of 1 and 4 if I am expected to have my children with me.  As much as I try, it just never happens.  We live by the laws of nap time, and I think there is some sort of time warp that happens in my house at around 3 o'clock, too.
• That I hate hate hate being late.  And that the weirdest (could probably choose a more fitting word there) things happen when I am in the moment of hating being late and trying to be less late than is possible at that moment.  Like Cortlan peeing in the garbage can.  Yes, that's right.  He peed in the bathroom garbage can when we were already an hour late to a party that started at the time warp hour. What?!
• That I love love love a gorgeous blue sky with a few puffs of white clouds and crisp air coming through the windows, especially right on the heels of a hot summer.
• That a Van Halen tribute band playing at some unknown location somewhere within audible distance of my house can be really, really annoying when I am trying to go to sleep (last year) but isn't all that bad when sitting around a fire in my backyard with some friends (this year).  I mean, it is a Van Halen tribute band.  But it is also free live entertainment at just the right decibel level for the occasion.
• That I am not a gambler.  It took only $10 in the slots machine for our first time at the casino and I was done.  I work WAY too hard for that money to only be able to press a button a few times before it disappears.  Yeah, it would have been cool to win.  But I didn't.  And I had no reason to believe that another $10 would have led that to happen.
• That I can now run 8.15 miles in a row.
• That Everly can now say "sorry."
• That Cortlan will play right along when the pre-teen neighborhood girl babies him.  She isn't aware of what he is capable.  He loves the attention and is suddenly 22 months old again. 
• That Everly will not sit still for dinner unless she is strapped in.  Or perhaps unless she is sitting on her Uncle Jimmy's lap.  She sat there for an hour with never so much as a squirm the other day.
• That three day weekends are the new summer.  I love them.

What gives?

I thought I was busy in the spring.  I had obviously blocked out what the beginning of the school year was like, having been on maternity leave last year for the occasion.  My mistake seems to be trying to continue to do everything that I have been doing for the last several months, plus wake up an hour and a half earlier (while not going to bed any earlier), plus work my 40+ hours a week, plus accomodate for my guilt of leaving the kids by somehow trying to magnify the quality time I do get to spend with them.

I still haven't decided what can give.  I guess I have just got to adjust to the "new crazy."  I am having difficulties with that this week, but I know it will get better.  Then, maybe I will be able to find time to tell the story of seeing Santa Claus at the fair this week, or going swimming on Wednesday, or Aunt Alana's birthday party on Thursday, or a neighbor's birthday today, or two special little girls' birthday party tomorrow, or finally getting to go out for our wedding anniversary tomorrow night...

I did it!

The week is over and I feel good.  This week...

• The kids started at their new daycare (aka "school").  Everly didn't nap the first day, which resulted in a disastrous evening on Monday due to sheer exhaustion, but at least she saved the worst for home and made a decent impression on her teachers.  Cortlan loved it so much he didn't want to leave.  Seriously.  He wouldn't even come over and give me a hug when I got there.  He just said, "Can I just stay for a couple more minutes??"  Every day got better for Everly, with Friday being the first day that she didn't even cry when we left.  Cortlan still didn't want to leave, even on Day 5.  And I didn't have to make one single lunch.  I am very pleased with our decision to change schools - a decision that I was once so very worried about.
• John and I started back to work.  We survived the first days of in-service, with which I have a love-hate relationship.  I asked John too many times what time it was during the superintendent's speech, only to find that it was merely 8:30 AM at last check.  Though, I loved the African Dance Troop that performed for us.
• I managed to maintain a relative calm up to the first day of school with students.  It was an effort.  I had made a conscious decision that my anxiety and nerves were not going to get the better of me this year.  To a large degree, it worked, and I think I was able to enjoy the last days of summer more than any year prior.  However, the night before school started, I had a weird feeling and actually said to John, "I am a bit unsettled that I am not more nervous right now."  It felt foreign to not be worked up into some sort of a frenzy about the first day of school.  Well, next year I need to heighten my level of concern and find a happy medium, I believe.  Thursday morning, I was going crazy because of the things that I had neglected to be stressed about and therefore hadn't taken care of in the way that I should have.  The day with the students went off without a hitch, but it was a sprint to the starting line and there is still quite a bit to take care of behind the scenes that would normally be done by now.  You live and you learn, I suppose.  I will find my balance.
• I ran.  I wasn't sure that I would be able to keep up my running once school started (and truthfully, it was just a week, so I can't really make that generalization just yet), but I did get in my scheduled three of the five days this week.  For the first time ever, I ran instead of going out to lunch on an in-service day.  I have mixed feelings about that.  I knew that there would be no other time that day, and I am proud of myself for doing it.  BUT, I missed out on lunch with friends I haven't seen all summer.  AND I was a sweat ball for the afternoon in-service meeting.  I felt like I ran pretty quickly, but factoring in changing clothes, drive time, the five miles around the lake, drive time back, toweling off and changing back into my clothes, I was lucky to only be five minutes late to the afternoon session.  Lunch just isn't long enough. 
• I ran.  Switching to the evening runs is not proving to be easy.  Yawning on my way out the door at 6:30 AM is a kind of waking of the senses, a relatively pleasant experience.  Yawning on my way out the door at 8:00 PM after a day that began at 5:00 AM and included teaching all day and savoring every energy-filled moment of the sacred after-school time I get to spend with my kids is a different sensation altogether.  But, I did it.  We will see if I can continue to do it.
• And I ran a little more.  Last year, I ran my first 5K.  Today, I ran the same one again, and this time I did it 2 minutes faster.  A definite highlight of the week was after the race when John said, "I am proud of you." And when Cortlan said, "Great job, Mommy! I liked how you ran fast the entire time!" I am going to include the details of my finish, not for any other reason than if I don't record them, I will forget them as I did in May when I had to google search to find my time in last year's race.  But I am thrilled with my race -  I managed a 2nd place in my age division and 29th overall, with a time of 22:47.  Or maybe it was 22:46.  I have to check.

So yes, the week is over and I feel good.  And now I am going to take a nap.

All the women who are Independent...

I learned today that when plans include lunch at a fast food restaurant, I should always take an extra change of clothes for Everly.  Today, I had a choice between Everly screaming at the top of her lungs as she grabbed and pulled at a full container of milk with a straw in it while I held it (with no chance of her drinking any) or allowing her to "drink" it herself.  Yes, well, in the best interest of everyone within a half-mile of McDonald's (and because there was no chance of me winning the standoff anyway), I chose to let her do things her way.  I took a sip off of the top so it wasn't quite as full, and then watched as she poured milk all over herself.  She doesn't quite get that you aren't supposed to tilt the milk jug when there is a straw in it.  She flinched as it splashed on her face, then she put the milk jug down, promptly grabbed a napkin and attempted to clean up her mess, and then took a bite of her food.  Then she did it again.  It took four or five tries to empty that milk, and not even after the huge spill that went right up her nose did she allow me to touch it or help her in any way.  I have a feeling she may be the child that someday wears a bathing suit top and sweatpants with a Halloween mask in February because she insisted on dressing herself.  Spinning it positively, I've got to give her a shout out for the take charge attitude.

A Bit of Strategery

Last night, after zzzzzzzz's were floating out of the kids' bedrooms, I ran out to get a movie and some milk.  As I drove past the various stores in the strip mall on my way to the grocery store, a woman casually browsing some sidewalk sale tables caught my attention.  In a glance, the woman brought to my mind a flash of my past self, a former version of myself who could casually shop and browse and linger at whatever hour of the day she so chose, provided that the stores were open.  The suddenness of this memory and the stark contrast of it to my current life had me chuckling. 

Oh, how things change when you have children.  What used to be mindless and carefree and enjoyable and easy now requires downright strategy.  Somehow, this Michael's-bargain-hunting woman brought this to the front of my mind.  Take earlier in the day, for example...

In the car, en route to the outlet mall, with husband and kids in tow for a bit of school clothes shopping (mostly for me, because I tried on my pants from the spring only to find that they don't fit my butt and thighs anymore.  Lovely.): 
Here's the game plan.  I need to go to Banana Republic, the shoe store, and Gap, at the very least.  Gap and Banana Republic are at opposite ends of the mall.  How about if you drop me off at Banana Republic, which is at the front.  Then, you go park near Gap, and while you walk with the kids down to Banana Republic, hopefully, I will be able to get most of what I need done in there.  Then, while I go to the shoe store, you can play on the playground.  And then we will work our way back up to the car, making Gap the last stop.  How does that work?

Sounds like a plan, he says.  I had two snacks packed for the kids.  I had a cooler and a picnic lunch packed so we could stop at a State Park on the way home for some lunch.  Everyone had a drink.  I even had a table cloth, plates, and plasticware.  We were at the huge outlet mall for a grand total of two hours, during which time I purchased two pairs of pants, a skirt, a top, a pair of heels, and some bargains for the kids for next summer.  It takes practically 20 minutes to just walk from one end of the mall to the other, and I tried on all of the clothes and I got some really great deals.  Nothing leisurely or lingering about that.  Strategy.  Multitasking. I felt like I was creating a battle plan.  Timing was everything.  No one would be hungry or thirsty.  We would enjoy the sunshine while simultaneously getting something accomplished.  And we did.  And it was really a wonderful day.

But man, have things changed.  These days, I need a strategy for just about everything:  a strategy for finding time to run (alarm set, running outfit on dresser, coffee on timer, back before kids awake or just having breakfast), a strategy for finding time to shower (if John isn't going to be home, that just means an earlier run, shower while Ev is still asleep, and set Cortlan up with some educational TV), a strategy to grocery shop, and cook, and clean, and soon to get out of the house with all four of us looking sharp at 6:30 AM to get to school on time.  And then a strategy to still find time for that much needed exercise.  Because without it, I would be exhausted.

Top 10 Reasons Why...

Going back to school is a good thing.  (This is taking a concerted effort, but must be done.  Might as well look at the bright side, right?)

1. My family eats WAY healthier during the school year.  Despite the copious amounts of fresh fruit that my kids eat in the summer, which is awesome, we often find ourselves on the go and out of routine in the summer.  Therefore, we often find ourselves not home when it is time to cook dinner.  So, we either eat where we are, or we grab something quick.  Inevitably, this means a less healthy meal.
2. Routine is good...for everyone.  I think the one that will benefit most from the structure of school this year may be Everly, but who knows.  I know that I tend to be much more organized (by necessity) during the school year, and that generally yields pretty good results.
3. My kids need to be around other kids their age.  They are becoming SO attached to us that it can almost be embarrassing in social situations.  The number of times Everly says "Mommy!" in a day is borderline absurd, even for a seventeen month old.
4. A paycheck is always nice.
5. Despite my best intentions, and despite the fact that I am a teacher, I am just not the best stay-at-home-mom in terms of "educational" stuff.  I teach high school physics.  That doesn't translate all that well into teaching the alphabet or writing.  Now, educational in terms of the zoo, the museum, and physical education type things?  Can do.  I do try with the other stuff, but I am pretty sure that Cortlan is going to advance by leaps and bounds here shortly.
6. If no one is in my house during the day, it can't possibly accumulate clutter during the day.
7. I do miss being around adults without simultaneously chasing two kids that are going in two different directions.  I might be able to finish a whole conversation soon.
8. I am getting tired of wearing the same clothes day in and day out...time for some new stuff, and a reason to look professional again.
9. A paycheck is always nice.
10. There is always something else to look forward to, too...like fall foliage and pumpkin picking, Halloween costumes, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then (gasp) my kids will be turning four and two.  And next summer will be here before we know it.  Maybe it is a good thing that time seems to slow down a bit when we go back to work.

Things right now...

On my mind today...

• The worst thing I can do is let my kids get too hungry or too tired.  I know this, so why do I ever push it?
• Taking risks is fun, sometimes.  Lately, I have been trying to take risks a bit more...with some payoff, and some failure.  But, even experiencing the failures has been eye-opening, and really not nearly as bad as I would have thought.  My attitude has changed a lot.  "What's the worst that can happen?" was never really in my vocabulary before.
• I am not ready to start school yet.  I haven't prepared physically.  There are things I need to do.  But mentally, I am in a better place than is typical for me.  Now, that may not be saying a whole lot considering my usual state.  And it's not that I am looking forward to going back.  But my efforts to have a better attitude are helping.  I have had only one nightmare.  I only have two zits.  And I feel much more calm than normal.  We will see how I am in another week.
• I have been loving Everly kisses these days, with the "Muahh" and all.  I hope she adjusts well to daycare.  I worry about her.  She needs lots of lovin'.
• Cortlan is in love with Mommy and Daddy lately.  He asks in the middle of dinner, "Mommy, can I come give you a hug?"  Often.  I soooo want to indulge him, but we would literally never finish dinner.
• I have been told in the past that I like control, and I have generally taken that as an insult.  I am going to reconsider how I feel about such comments after reading the following sentence: "The feeling of control is an essential element of happiness."  And honestly, it isn't so much that I love feeling in control, but more like I hate to feel out of control.  I am going to be okay with that.
• I smiled and laughed a lot today...one of my favorites:  Cortlan giving "belly toots" to Everly, and the two of them erupting in hysterical laughter.  Another:  Making a dessert with Cortlan, and him asking if he could lick the spoon, and me saying yes, and the two of us scraping the bowl and licking our spoons as we looked at each other and smiled delicious smiles of pudding and Cool Whip.

Shower thinking

Sometimes, I do my best thinking in the shower.  And today, as the water ran over my face, I found myself having one of those showers in which, once I am brought back to the moment, I can't remember if I've shampooed or not.  And I can't figure out how much time has passed.  Today, I was thinking about my blog.

I am pretty sure that writing this last six months has changed me, and there are only a handful of things, or people, or events in my life that I can pin to that point.  I am not so sure that the change has been much in any outward way - those of you who know me best would be the ones to comment on that - but it definitely has been major in many inward ways.  I feel happier.  I feel more in the moment.  I feel more appreciative.  I feel more inspired, and more ambitious, and more confident, and more at peace.  I don't know what it is, really:  the act of writing?  the reflecting?  the place I happen to be in life?  the risk I take every time I hit "publish post"?  the comments that people give me?  the interacting in this way that is so foreign to me, really?

I was thinking about this in my time-warp shower today.  And I went on a lot of tangents in this train of thought.  In my very first blog post, I mentioned that I do not think that I will change the world, nor do I have ambitions to do so.  And that is still a very true statement.  But this morning, in a little blip of a thought, it occurred to me that it might be pretty cool if I could make some difference by writing, change the world in some small way.  I think I have a pretty good feel for this scale of world changing - it won't be much.  But, I thought, it could maybe (just maybe) be more than it currently is. 

I tend to be kind of schizophrenic about what I want with this blog.  Am I writing it for myself?  Am I writing it for some audience, real or imaginary?  Am I writing it for my kids?  I think that the answer to all of those questions is yes, but depending on my mood, and depending on the post.  Do I want to somehow garner a larger audience? Well, that would have its pros and cons of course...but I would love to have more people feel the way I am feeling these days.  Would a larger audience even be interested in this blog? I don't know that I should answer that.  I've realized that there is not a whole lot of cohesiveness to my blog: Sometimes, I write about my kids. Sometimes, about myself. Sometimes, about philosophical questions. Sometimes, about nothing at all. And my guess is that diversity may not be very appealing to the masses.  That's just a guess.

I am a subscriber to a blog for the book I mentioned before, Run Like A Mother, and I love reading the authors' posts and the many comments that people leave for them.  And what's more - I love leaving comments, too.  Because I feel like I belong to a community.  Everyone there has a common interest - running.   If I did want a larger audience, maybe I would need a common interest.  What would the common interest be for my blog?  After much thought, this is what I came up with:  For me, this blog is about recognizing, enjoying, appreciating, and finding happiness in the ordinary moments, and banking that happiness up for a day of adversity.  We all have ordinary moments.  Can we all find happiness in them?  Can this be a community in which to do that?  Look around you.  This is life.  It may be ordinary, it may be extraordinary, but this is it.  Why not love it?  Why not enjoy it?

And in this shower monologue, I wondered:  Do I really want to change what I am doing? No, I decided.  I like this.  But one thing that I like is that I have held myself to no particular topic, no niche so tiny that I can't incorporate a bigger element.  And then I thought of a phrase:  Give me a moment.

Give me a moment.  This phrase got me thinking about a bigger picture.  What if every now and then, there was a post - or maybe an entirely new blog - called "Give me a moment"?  And in that post/blog, as a happiness-seeking community, we gave each other the moments that made us smile, or think, or whatever was the topic for the day.  And we could be a part of it for each other.  And in reading others' moments, we might be lifted up a bit.  And we can all benefit from slowing down and being in our own moments, and investing ourselves in positive thoughts.

So this is an experiment, and I am putting myself out there with this.  But in the book I just finished (The Happiness Project), Gretchen Rubin resolves to "Enjoy the fun of failure."  So, here goes nothing:  Will you be willing to participate in this?  It means that you would have to share (anonymously if you would like) by writing a comment on the blog (not on Facebook) AND post the "Give me a moment" link to attempt to get others to contribute, too.  But maybe we can start something here, and it can be a positive for all of us.

Your comment can be a brief sentence, or a few words, or a paragraph.  I am not going start with this post...this is just to see if anyone would be willing to participate.  Because if no one wants to, then I won't force the issue.  I am new to this blogging thing, and don't have a clue how to get a bigger audience except to appeal to you, my friends.  Often I think it is easier to comment on or support compete strangers posts than it is people you know, but this is my starting point.  If there is any interest, I may put these "Give me a moment" posts in a different blog.  In any case, this is something that I would like to try, so for today, will you just give me a yes or no?  You can comment anonymously if you don't want me to know who you are!!  Thanks for humoring me.   :)

Overbuying Maximizer

Maybe I am weird, but I get some sort of enjoyment out of finding words to classify myself.  I think I always have.  Well, at least since the days of those deadly accurate magazine quizzes (if you answered mostly A's, you are a ...).  Ok, so maybe "deadly accurate" is stretching it a bit.  Or a lot.  But even though I am a true believer in exceptions to the rules and the idea of the broad spectrum (with only the rare person falling at one extreme or the other), I do feel like I gain some sort of new self-knowledge through the classification.  And I like that. 

Today, I read another chapter from The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin that I mentioned not long ago.  And I found out that I am a "maximizer" (to my "satisficer" husband's chagrin).  And though I don't fit the mold entirely, I am an overbuyer as opposed to an underbuyer.  (I don't think I am quite organized enough to be a true overbuyer, and I have underbuying tendencies.)

As the term would suggest, an underbuyer is a minimalist in purchases, according to Rubin, often putting off buying until the last second, if at all.  Underbuyers are the ones running to the store to buy toothpaste for that evening's teeth brushing, or a can of cream of mushroom soup for the recipe for which they have already defrosted the meat.  They definitely don't have the latest gadgets.  They wait until it is time to jump into the pool before they bathing suit shop.  Overbuyers, on the other hand, have ten tubes of toothpaste lying in wait, and buy things because they may have a use for them "someday."  Me?  Well, I have often wondered if I have some sort of problem in that I never have less than eight rolls of paper towels and twenty-six rolls of toilet paper in my house.  I have seven or eight tubes of toothpaste in my cabinet (all because they were on sale and bought with a coupon for less than $1 - we will need them eventually, right??).  But I just recently found that I didn't have the can of diced tomatoes that I thought I had for the recipe - after I had started cooking.  (Stewed tomatoes don't make the greatest substitute, but the kids didn't seem to notice.)  Oh, and I definitely don't buy bathing suits in March.

What I really loved was the satisficer/maximizer distinction.  Satisficers have criteria (which may or may not be high), and as soon as they find the computer, or daycare provider (ahem), or souvenir that meets that criteria, they are satisfied.  Maximizers, and I am going to quote Rubin for the best effect, "want to make the optimal decision.  Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can't make a decision until after they've examined every option, so they can make the best possible choice."  Yep.  And there is more: "Maximizers spend a lot more time and energy to reach a decision, and they're often anxious about whether they did in fact make the best choice."

I was sitting on the couch with my husband when I got to this part of the book.  I had to stop and tell him that I had us figured out.  "Great," he said. "In what way are you about to insult me with this classification?  You know how I love to be labeled."  What??  He could only smile as I read him the passage.  Well, opposites attract, right?  I can only imagine where we would be right now if we were both maximizers.  Sheesh.

So how about you?  Overbuyer or underbuyer?  Maximizer or satisficer?

Only the end of July is near

Tomorrow is the last day of July, and notoriously a time of great anxiety for me, as I feel the end is near.  For a person like me, even though I feel strongly that I have chosen my own perfect career, it may also simultaneously be my own worst career.  As a teacher, every year I repeat the same sick-to-my-stomach transition that involves nightmares (the only time of the year that I have them) and stomach knots the size of Kansas.  My husband doesn't understand this.  I don't understand it.  You would think that by this time, as I head toward my tenth year of teaching, I would be over the first day jitters and the agonizing anticipation of the end of the 6:30 AM deck-side coffee talks with my husband (and more recently, my invigorating AM runs) as the rest of the household sleeps soundly, and the unscheduled, do-anything days with my kids.  Soon enough, though, at 6:30 AM we will all be dressed and ready, on the way to school and work.  And I will be dreaming of those sweat-filled mornings as I instead prepare for twenty-five kids to enter my classroom.  Trust me, I don't want to feel this way, and I often wonder if I am doomed to experience this overwhelming sensation for the next 20+ years of my life. 

I know that within two days of school starting, I am always back in the groove and happy to have a routine again.  And I do love my job.  But that doesn't stop the emotions from rolling on the approach.

This year, I am going to try exceptionally hard to keep those emotions at bay, and enjoy the remaining moments of this wonderful summer without worrying them away.  There are still plenty of play dates, museum visits, swimming sessions, and do-anything days left, and I am going to enjoy them all. 

Just for posterity's sake, here are a just a couple of the many moments I enjoyed today:

Roasting marshmallows over an open fire (or, holding chopsticks with the ends of medicine droppers stuck onto them over an empty pitcher in my kitchen...completely Cortlan's idea)

A concert in the park (or, Cortlan singing his heart out into his microphone/vacuum hose while on stage/step stool...again, the product of Cort's imagination alone)

Unfortunately, I didn't capture the adorable Everly moments on camera today, but they were there...her enthusiastic dance party in the kitchen, her matchbox car sound effects, her jumping into the swimming pool.

Let's enjoy...

Just a thought

After managing a spontaneous trip to the zoo today and in the midst of stressing about (and working to complete) my never-ending "To-Do" list, I somehow found myself with a few spare minutes this afternoon to pick up my latest non-fiction read:  The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  I got about three pages further in my reading when I encountered this:

" 'Happiness,' wrote Yeats, 'is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth.  We are happy when we are growing.'  Contemporary researchers make the same argument: that it isn't goal attainment but the process of striving after goals - that is, growth - that brings happiness."

Definitely something for me to think about.  Care to share your thoughts?

Vacation, According to Cortlan

So we left Surf City, NC (which is on Topsail Island) last night at about 8:30, drove through the night with several stops, and arrived home early this morning.  There is much that I could write regarding vacation, which, despite some screaming by Everly and a few minor discipline issues with Cortlan, was a really awesome trip.  But, I thought that it might be interesting to hear Cortlan tell the tale of vacation, and so I sat him on my lap, where he dictated and I typed. Getting a story out of him was a lot more difficult than I anticipated, but I pushed through, thinking that he would ultimately tell the stories of him and his buddy playing in the loft of the beach (town)house and inviting us to a party in their bedroom, us making sand castles and collecting seashells, him spending hours swimming in the ocean, him seeing a big crab walking sideways on the beach.  This is what I got, with my interpretations bracketed:

Cortlan, will you tell me a story about vacation?  We can start it "Once Upon a Time..."
There was a... I smelled some horse poop. 
[So this is the first thing he remembers.  Nice.  There was one point on the last day at the beach that he said he smelled something like poop when we were outside.  It was a two second conversation.]
Wait, you want to tell the story about your vacation, right? 
Uh huh.  The phone was ringing at the beach house where the sand is and the waves.  Everyone had their phone but not us.  Everyone had their phone at the beach.  We had our phone at the beach.  But not where the sand was. 
[Huh?  Maybe he was thinking about them playing with the phones in the bedrooms of the beach house.  They actually plugged into the walls, which was some novelty to them, I think, since they are used to cell phones and cordless ones.  But we rarely heard a phone ring the entire week.  And definitely not at the beach.]
Ok, what else do you want to tell about vacation? 
We made a big hole and me and Wesley got covered up and we made... um... um... it was like a tower and it was like a zoomer that we zoomed down. We just did our hands to zoom down it.  [With some help, they made a huge mound of sand, which they preceded to slide down on their bellies.  Those swimming suits may never be the same again.]
And we made some pork chops. 
We didn't have pork chops at the beach. 
We had pork chops but didn't have pork chops.  We just made a pork chop in the sand.
Oh.  [No, we didn't.  But we did have pork chops for dinner tonight.]
And we had to go to the store but there was nothing at the store.  It was closed.  We were still at the beach but we were at the store.  It was a little bit far away.
[I have no idea about this one.  Though, through the entire trip, he struggled with the term "being at the beach."  We were at the beach in the general sense through the entire trip, but at times we were actually at the beach where the sand and water were.  He thought about that very carefully.]
What else do you want to say? 
Um.  Nothing. 
What about swimming in the ocean and things like that?  Tell me something else about the fun things that you did at the beach!
Um... I am going to tell you about the quads.  Ok, Mommy? 
Ok. Tell me about the quads! 
They have special kind of wheels that they can actually drive in the sand and the mud and they had to go in the water to get the sand off of it.  They were driving around.  We didn't know the people that were driving it.  They went past another quad.  I ripped the waves and Wesley did, too.  I just showed him how to.  When the waves comed, I told Wesley to rip the wave. 
[We saw two quads with beach patrol guys riding down the beach one day.  I wasn't aware of the "ripping" of the waves, but apparently John was there for that one.] 
What does it mean to rip a wave? 
Um. I saw some seashells that we could take home. 
Ok. What does it mean to rip a wave?
Um. To go underwater. To go under a wave!  Can you ride a wave? 
[At the beginning of the week, Cortlan only wanted to play in the sand. By the end of the week, I couldn't believe how much he loved the water.  There was a sand bar that allowed the water to pool a little bit and created an area that had only very small and calm waves for the kids to play in.  He got to the point where he was pulling himself through the water with his hands on the ocean floor and his legs dragging behind him and was going underwater, which he rarely even does in a swimming pool.  So in his head, he was probably ripping the wave.  If that is actually what that means.  Because I didn't know until he just told me.]
Can YOU ride a wave? 
Haha! No!  Can Daddy? Daddy, can you ride a wave??  Mommy, I am all done with my story. 
You don't want to write anything else?
Um. No. 
You don't want to tell about the turtles?  Nothing?
No.  I don't .  Yes, I do!  Yes, I do! 
Ok.  So tell me! 
Once upon a time, there was a big turtle that was huge and Mommy wasn't that big!  The turtle was an inch big! The turtles hurted people, so a forklift had to get they up. 
[We went to the turtle rehabilitation hospital on the island, where we saw a turtle that weighed more than me (as pointed out to him by his father).  As for the forklift, I don't know.  But he had one in his hand during this story telling.]
Wait.  The turtles didn't hurt people, the turtles we saw were hurt. 
Why were they?  Did some get hit by a boat? 
Yeah. 
Why did some get hit by a boat?  How did some of they get hit by a boat? 
It was an accident. 
How did they?  How did they?  How did they, Mommy? 
It was an accident. 
How did they, though? 
The propeller hit them. 
Why did the propeller hit them? 
The boaters didn't know they were in the water.  So what did we see when we went to the turtle hospital? 
We saw the black thingy? Why did they have the black thingy on them? 
What black things? 
The things that were on their, um, the black things that were on them. 
The black things on their shells?  What were they for? 
I don't know what they were for. 
Were they holding their shells together? 
Yeah.  Why were they holding their shells together? 
Because they were broken and they were trying to heal so they could be released back into the ocean.  What else did we see there?  What was it like? 
I'm going to tell you something different.  A forklift needed to pick they up.
Ok.
It smelled stinky in there.  Mommy, did it smell stinky in there? 
Um.  A little bit. 
Why did it a little bit smell stinky in there?  Did some of the turtles smell stinky? 
Some did, I think.  It was hot, too.  So, how does this story end? 
You say stuff.
What is the last thing that you want to say in our story? 
There was some frogs. 
There were some frogs? 
Yeah.  That's the end of our story.
But we didn't see any frogs at the beach. 
But that's the end of our story. 
Ok.  That's the end of our story. 
The End.