My "Great Race"

As a kid, there are so many things to get excited about and look forward to:  birthdays and birthday parties, holidays like Christmas and Halloween, sleepovers, the first snow, school dances, etc.  Somehow, as an adult, a lot of those things lose a little bit of their shine.  Of course, now that I have kids of my own, I kind of live vicariously through them, and enjoy those types of things right along with them.  But, honestly, Christmas just wasn't as magical as a twenty-two year old childless woman who didn't even have her own home as it was to my seven year-old self, for example.  Even now, birthday parties are stressful because I have to plan them; the first snow brings fears of horrible road conditions; and the thought of my child's first school dance kind of makes me shudder.  I remember what they were like.

But let me tell you, I have honestly been looking forward to, and excited about, the race that I ran today.  I mean, couldn't-get-to-sleep-last-night-and-woke-before-the-alarm-went-off-at-6 AM excited.  And now, just slightly more than twelve hours past the time that I boarded the shuttle to the start line with a great friend by my side, I am still feeling the highs of the day.  Age-telling injury aside, I think I have found my fountain of youth.  Not only does running make me feel that I am doing something healthy for myself and helps me to be a good role model for my kids, it also keeps me rejuvinated and motivated.  It gives me a release and much-needed, feel-good endorphins.  It gives me at least half an hour to myself, or if I feel like multi-tasking, at least half an hour to socialize with a friend.

And today, it gave me a feeling of accomplishment, of a well-deserved pay off, and a smile that I can't wipe off my face.  It gave me that excitement that I remember feeling as a kid - the kind that lasts and lasts.  It took me back to high school and the feelings I got then when I raced.  But back then, I ran for less than 30 seconds a pop.  This was a long-lasting, bell-ringing, people-clapping, heart-racing, adreneline-filled run that I enjoyed to the fullest.  I have never run a 10K before, but I will run this race again.  I have officially turned into a person I never thought I would become.  And I am thrilled.

My friend and I entered the race together and promised each other that we wouldn't hold each other back.  We weaved through the crowd together through most of the first half of the race, an exciting adventure in itself.  I was happy to be only a handful of steps behind her by mile four.  At mile four and a half, I lost her as she pulled ahead.  I was genuinely happy for her and thrilled that I had her to run with; I know I did as well as I did because she was there not allowing me to mentally flake out of the race.  Now, I am pretty sure she is feeling what I am feeling as we exchange text messages that go something like this:

Me:  "Still feeling great about the day. And the best is that i feel like i have room to improve, too."
Her:  "Exactly. :)  We should do a race in the spring."
Me:  "Are you saying we are going to train thru winter???"

And the crazy thing is that I am considering it.




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And for posterity's sake, my results (sorry, this is my self-designated place to record them):
Chip time: 46:54
Clock time: 48:47 (I had no idea it would take nearly 2 mintues to get to the start line!!)
Overall:  1141/7958
Females:  226/3843
Age group:  42/664
Pace:  7:33

Let's pretend

Sometimes, I think about how much I would like to be three years old again, just for a day.  Based on the intense emotional breakdowns that occur at times, and the not-so-perfect behaviors that lead to tear-filled time outs, I know that I wouldn't want to be three for very long.  But, just for a day, I would like to feel what it is like to not know so much about the real world, to not have so many responsibilities, to feel all the wonder and intrigue, to wear those tiny clothes, to have someone else make all of the decisions (and make all the dinners...)

And to be able to use an imagination like no one but a three year old can.

Yesterday, as I served dinner to the kids, I gave Cortlan a choice:  Would you like the blue plate or the orange?  His response:  I would like the orange.  But can I pretend it is yellow?  Absolutely.

Imagine if it were that easy as a grown up.  Would you like to drive the 2001 Suzuki or the 2007 Suzuki today?  I will take the 2007, but can I pretend that it is a Lexus?  Would you like spaghetti or chicken for dinner tonight?  I will take the chicken, but can I pretend it is lobster?  Would you like to go to Walmart or the grocery store after school today?  I suppose the grocery store, but can I pretend it is the beach?

Absolutely.  Pretend all you want...

Let's give it a go

So, I am working on day five without running.  In fact, this past weekend marked the first weekend since May that I didn't run at all.  I am not happy about this.  And I am willing to admit that this may be a large factor in my stress and mood these days.  With a hip injured about a week and a half ago, and the race I have been training for coming up on Sunday, I have been battling the decision to run versus not run.

Run:  Maybe it needs to be worked out.  I don't want to lose all of the fitness and results of the training I have been doing.  I was in prime shape to meet my goal.  Until the hip.  I need to run.

Don't run:  Maybe a few days of rest is all it needs and then it will be back good as new.  Maybe if I don't take off a few days, it will get worse and lessen my chances of being able to run the race.  Maybe after months of training, a few days off won't affect my performace.

It comes down to this:  I didn't run.  I don't really feel a whole lot better, but certainly no worse.  Physically, that is.  I am moody and disappointed.  I am going to try tonight to go a few miles.  I am going to ice it and take ibuprophen and stretch like nobody's business.  And then if it isn't feeling better, I will take a few more days off.  But unless it feels worse after tonight, I will be crossing that finish line come Sunday...one way or another. 

And THEN, if it still feels bad, I will go to the doctor. 

PS:  Don't worry.  I will be fine.  I won't do anything stupid.

Little Reminders

Five minutes ago, I was standing in my kitchen shoving barbecue potato chips in my face (having just raided my pantry of the snacks I bought on sale in case of "an emergency someday").  My husband looked up from emptying the dishwasher and chuckled, "I can tell when you are stressed."  Me?  Stressed?  Noooooooooo.  (Crunch, crunch.)

I just deleted five sentences about that stress.  Because even as I wrote those sentences, I realized that while the little things do add up, and the feeling of a loss of control can bring anyone to her knees at times, my problems are minimal compared to what others are dealing with right now.  I think it is human nature to have an inflated sense of self every now and then, to be confined in our own personal universes in which things seem overly important.  And the need to dwell on those things is very real at times.  We all have a breaking point.

But my reason for writing tonight isn't to dwell on the negative.  My reason is to stop and collect before I get to that breaking point.  My reason is to remind myself that I need to look beyond the negative for all of those things that I love about life.  Sometimes those things are right there, and it just takes a little rubbing of the eyes to refocus on the important stuff.  Despite certain things that make it difficult at times, and certain moments that I would rather do without, this is life. And I really do love it.

Let the refocusing begin.

Today, I love it because my kids make me laugh, and they've managed to do that often lately.  Like this afternoon, when, after reading a Dr. Seuss book in which Hooper is called a party pooper, Cortlan told me,  "I only poop in the potty when I am at a party."  Thank goodness!  Wouldn't want that kind of party pooper in my family.

And Monday, on our first Grandma Day of the school year (LOVE Grandma Days!), Cortlan decreed to both of his Grandmas, "There will be no time-outs when Grandmas are here."  I got that story from my mom, and laughed at his apparent boldness and sense of authority.  And I laughed again when I got off of the phone and told him that I got the scoop from Grandma about the day.  His concerned, yet hopeful, response:  "Was it an ice cream scoop?"

And Everly has made me laugh, too.  A neighbor gave her a tattoo yesterday - you know, the kind that you put on your hand, put a wet paper towel on, gently remove the paper backing, and voila! A snazzy dinosaur!  Then - tears.  Then a rough communication that brings to light the issue:  what she really wanted was the paper backing and wet paper towel on her hand.  So, she walked around holding said paper and towel on her hand for over an hour, fussing each time it fell off until it was put back on.  I couldn't help but laugh.  It took the removal of the dinosaur for her to give up the paper and towel accessories at bath time.  Lesson learned.

And it's not just the laughter that I love.

I love how this morning, when I gently woke Cortlan up by saying, "Good morning, buddy-bud!" the response I got was, "Good morning, Mommy!"

I love how good Everly is getting at giving hugs.  And how she pushes her nose against mine and just holds it there smiling when she is trying to be especially affectionate.

I love that now that I am thinking about it, I realize that I could fill the pages of the things that I love in my life. 

Mission Refocus: Begun with success.

What do you love?

Purses and bags

I realize that many women love purses and would gladly spend copious amounts of money on them.  I have been in the Coach Outlet.  I have also quickly walked out of the Coach Outlet.  I generally do not want anything to do with purses.  If I didn't need somewhere to put my credit cards and ID, I wouldn't even carry a wallet.  In fact, anytime my husband is with me, I don't carry anything of the sort.  He has the same credit card as me anyway, and if I need my ID and don't have pockets, he can carry that, too.  He draws the line at carrying my lipstick, so if I don't have a pocket for it, it doesn't come.  And really, what else do you need a purse for?  Lipstick and a wallet.  If I carry one for any length of time, the rest of the space just gets consumed by junk - receipts, outdated coupons, old grocery lists.  I carried a diaper for a while once...

But I digress.

My daughter is obsessed with bags.  And I really mean any kind of bag.  It started with a grocery bag.  Realizing that was a bit dangerous and after hearing about a very loud and drawn out battle when dropping her off at daycare one morning, a librarian friend gave her a tote bag:

She seriously couldn't have been happier...

Until she found a lunch tote in a drawer at home.  Then, for a while, she carried the lunch tote in the Dr. Seuss bag.  "Baaaaaaaaaa!!  Baaaaaaa!!  Baaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!" is all we heard if the bag wasn't in sight.  Or worse, if it was in sight but she couldn't get to it.  It needed to be with her in the car, on the way to school, and for quite a while at school.  The girl needed to have a bag on her shoulder.

So today, I decided that perhaps, even though it is completely not my nature, it was time to get Everly a bag that is her size.  It was time to get her her very own purse.

So off to Target we went while Cortlan and John were at taekwondo.  The issue quickly became one of not enough arms:

She wanted them all.  And she is pointing at another one that she wants.

My sincerest apologies to the Target worker who found three little girl purses hidden behind the diapers.  I had to hide them while she was distracted.  There was just no other way.  We settled on the Hello Kitty purse.  And here it is now:

 

I wanted to flip the purse over to show the Hello Kitty side, but I was afraid she would tear my arm off if I touched it.

Still learning

One of these days, I will be able to write a full-fledged, reflective, and thought-out post again.  But until then, here is what I have recently learned...

• That you don't have to spend money on kids to make some great memories.  We went to the local fair, with free admission, and my kids were just as entertained by the cows and horses and sheep and goats and tractors and exhibits as they are at the zoo when we go.  And the marching band that plays on opening night (the same band that I marched with so many years ago) was awe-inspiring to them and cause for even Everly to sit still and pay attention.
• That a big guy with a big white beard can be a little creepy to encounter when standing in line for a funnel cake (ok, so I did spend a few dollars), especially when he starts asking Cortlan if he has been a good boy.  But when he shows a picture of he and his wife dressed in their perfect red holiday clothes, and starts mentioning that Rudolph would like some cereal this year since he was getting so many carrots last year, and starts telling Cortlan that he has to make sure he keeps being a good boy, I just have to play along.  Cort was mesmerized and the experience was simply enchanting.  Yes, we will be leaving chocolate chip cookies for Santa this year, as per request.
• That I just cannot get anywhere between the hours of 1 and 4 if I am expected to have my children with me.  As much as I try, it just never happens.  We live by the laws of nap time, and I think there is some sort of time warp that happens in my house at around 3 o'clock, too.
• That I hate hate hate being late.  And that the weirdest (could probably choose a more fitting word there) things happen when I am in the moment of hating being late and trying to be less late than is possible at that moment.  Like Cortlan peeing in the garbage can.  Yes, that's right.  He peed in the bathroom garbage can when we were already an hour late to a party that started at the time warp hour. What?!
• That I love love love a gorgeous blue sky with a few puffs of white clouds and crisp air coming through the windows, especially right on the heels of a hot summer.
• That a Van Halen tribute band playing at some unknown location somewhere within audible distance of my house can be really, really annoying when I am trying to go to sleep (last year) but isn't all that bad when sitting around a fire in my backyard with some friends (this year).  I mean, it is a Van Halen tribute band.  But it is also free live entertainment at just the right decibel level for the occasion.
• That I am not a gambler.  It took only $10 in the slots machine for our first time at the casino and I was done.  I work WAY too hard for that money to only be able to press a button a few times before it disappears.  Yeah, it would have been cool to win.  But I didn't.  And I had no reason to believe that another $10 would have led that to happen.
• That I can now run 8.15 miles in a row.
• That Everly can now say "sorry."
• That Cortlan will play right along when the pre-teen neighborhood girl babies him.  She isn't aware of what he is capable.  He loves the attention and is suddenly 22 months old again. 
• That Everly will not sit still for dinner unless she is strapped in.  Or perhaps unless she is sitting on her Uncle Jimmy's lap.  She sat there for an hour with never so much as a squirm the other day.
• That three day weekends are the new summer.  I love them.

What gives?

I thought I was busy in the spring.  I had obviously blocked out what the beginning of the school year was like, having been on maternity leave last year for the occasion.  My mistake seems to be trying to continue to do everything that I have been doing for the last several months, plus wake up an hour and a half earlier (while not going to bed any earlier), plus work my 40+ hours a week, plus accomodate for my guilt of leaving the kids by somehow trying to magnify the quality time I do get to spend with them.

I still haven't decided what can give.  I guess I have just got to adjust to the "new crazy."  I am having difficulties with that this week, but I know it will get better.  Then, maybe I will be able to find time to tell the story of seeing Santa Claus at the fair this week, or going swimming on Wednesday, or Aunt Alana's birthday party on Thursday, or a neighbor's birthday today, or two special little girls' birthday party tomorrow, or finally getting to go out for our wedding anniversary tomorrow night...