Cortlan's Sleep Study

Last night was Cortlan's sleep study.  When the second attempt at getting his tonsils out was cancelled, we were told to get a second opinion, which we did in December.  That doctor requested that we have a sleep study done to gather some more data that will ultimately help us determine the best course of action regarding his exceptionally large tonsils and exceptionally small trachea.

Cortlan was his typical self and, despite a little apprehension, focused his attention on the Ice Age movie that we were watching while the technician covered him with wires and sensors from head to toe.  They were collecting data for everything related to his sleep, from the motion of his legs to the amount of oxygen in his blood, as well as whatever they were able to collect from all of the wires glued to his head.  They had microphones and video cameras recording the night's events, as well.

The connection of the wires took quite a while:

They started with sensors on his legs, stomach, and chest.  Cortlan was enraptured by Ice Age.

Then they moved to his head, where they attached the sensors with horrible smelling glue.

They used compressed air to dry the glue.

Good thing it was a good movie.

I am pretty sure the thing in his nose measured carbon dioxide from his nose and mouth.  I was beside Cort in bed, watching the movie, the whole time he was getting all of these wires.  I wish I wasn't in this picture, though!

What wires?

Shortly after that last picture was taken, it was time for lights out.  I said my goodnights and goodbyes and was on my way.  John stayed the night with Cortlan:

Doesn't he look comfortable?

John said that Cortlan was asleep not long after I left and that he slept the entire night.  He moved around in his sleep so much that the technician had to come in and untangle him a few times.  The guy unhooked the wires from the monitors, untwisted them from around Cortlan, and then plugged them back in so quickly that Cort never woke up.

We will have a follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks to discuss the results and what happens next.  I will be sure to keep you posted. :)

Be prepared

Just a fair warning to all interested family members - Everly is begging to have her hair all cut off.  Short.  Prepare yourself.  If she doesn't drop the idea in a week or so, it is probably going to happen.

Windowsill Beach

Today, after school, we painted.

There is nothing like the abstract art that you can make with Crayola washable paint.

One of Everly's masterpieces

One of Cortlan's masterpieces

And there is nothing like joining in.

One of my masterpieces

Perhaps my favorite part was the naming of my paintings by Everly, who decided the best name for my painting above was "Windowsill Beach."  Somehow, it is perfect.

Reflecting

Maybe it is because I haven't been paying enough attention. 
Maybe it is because there is just so much going on.
Maybe it is because I spend more of my time diffusing arguments, dealing with bickering and tattling, and trying to figure out ways to contend with the behavior issues that come with having a near-four and a six year old.
Maybe it is just because my children are growing up and it takes more effort, in general, to effectively parent them.

In any case, I haven't been very good at enjoying the moments lately.

Don't worry - there is nothing wrong.  I am totally fine.  The thing is, I am just...well, fine.

Fine is fine.  It really is.  But, two years ago, after I had started this blog and was consistently writing for a while, I felt way better than fine.  I had so much to write about.  I was finding those kairos moments more often than not.  Back then, I got a long taste of that feeling that is too often fleeting these days. 

That is how I started the blog post that I began earlier this afternoon.

I didn't have a chance to get much farther in writing it, as my five "allotted" minutes at the end of the day were up so soon and it was time to head out to get the kids.

John and I drove to work together today, and, after getting the kids, we realized that there was enough time for one of us to go home to get something accomplished while the other took the kids to gymnastics.  He graciously offered to take them so that I could go for a run.

Typically, I would have said "no," as I have a standing 8pm running date on Tuesdays with at least one of my two consistent running buddies.  But today my partners were unable to run with me.  A schedule conflict was the reason for one, and for the other, the 5 degree temperature with wind chills at least that many degrees below zero played a large part.  To be honest, I was a bit hesitant myself, but in the daylight the weather seemed much less daunting, and I felt like I needed to go.

So, John dropped me off at the house and I donned many layers.  I headed out without my watch, without my ipod, and without my friends. 

Immediately, I felt a sense of peace that I haven't felt in a while.

And somewhere around mile 3, it hit me:  Maybe, just maybe, I haven't had an easy time enjoying the moments lately because I haven't had time to think about them.  I haven't spent the necessary time to reflect.  I haven't spent much time at all alone with nothing but my thoughts.  Here I was, with nothing to do but move one foot in front of the other and think.  And it took me three miles to realize what it was doing to me.  And what it did to me was a great thing.

I absolutely love running with my friends.  I truly, truly do.  And I will continue to do so, because it allows me to exercise and socialize and have great conversations with great ladies - a perfect combination for this multi-tasker who has so little time for a social life.  My friends get me out of the door in the dark and cold, when I know I would never do it on my own.  And I never, ever regret running those five miles with them. 

But those days, not so very long ago, when I had so much to write about?  Those days full of kairos moments?  Those were the same days that included me running by myself for five days a week.  Running solo 20-30 miles is great therapy.  It is much needed time to process and regroup.  It is often the only time during the week that I can slow my brain and assimilate everything.

Over the next mile or so, I thought of many things.  Life changes; I don't doubt that many of the things that I mentioned at the start of this post contribute to how I feel.  I also don't doubt that writing this blog less has something to do with it, because the less I am writing, the less I am reflecting.  I do think that giving myself the opportunity to think and be alone with my thoughts every now and then is an important part of that sense of balance for which I always seem to be striving.  And I do think it is possible for me to gain back that sense of ease at appreciating the moments.

Time to readjust.
Again.

An interview with Everly, age almost-four

What is your favorite color? 
I have a lot.  Um.  Purple...pink....blue...red...gold...uhhhhhhhh....golden.  That's all!

What is your favorite thing to do after school? 
Umm. Play baby dolls!  That's not really my favorite.  Well, it is my favorite.

Is it your favorite or not? 
It is, well, not, kind of. 

What do you mean?
Like, it is some and it is not some.

Ok.  Do you have another favorite thing to do do after school?
Play games.

Whats your favorite thing to do AT school? 
Paint.

Anything else?
No.  Just paint.  Oh! Glue!

You like to glue?
Mmm hmm.

Excuse me mommy.  I love you. 

I love you too.
Am I being good? 

Yep.

What is something that you like to do outside?
Chalk.

What is your favorite season?  Wait.  Do you know what a season is?
Yeah. 

What are the seasons? 
Spring, summer, fall, winter. 

Ok, which one is your favorite? 
Ummmm.  Winter. 

Really? 
Yeah! 

Why? 
Because I like snow.

What is your favorite food? 
Um, chicken nuggets. 

Do we have those often? 
No.  That is my favorite restaurant food. 

Ok.  What is your favorite food at home? 
Pasta! 

With sauce? 
With meatballs.  Mmmm.

Yum!  What is your favorite snack? 
Crackers and cheese.

Where do you usually have that? 
At my school.  Well, we had it a long long time ago but now we have vegetables and fruits.  We have to get healthy.

I like the idea of getting healthy!  What is your favorite fruit or vegetable? 
Apples!  Peaches and cucumbers! 

Nice.  Ok.  What is your favorite book?
Clifford the big Red Dog and his special birthday and his family.

What is your favorite TV show?  Olivia!! 

Is there anything that you want me to write down that you want people to know about you? 
My name is Everly. 

Ok, what else about you? 
That I love cucumbers.  And I love my fish.

Yeah, Cort, were you?

As we were leaving the kids' school today, Cortlan says, "Well, I am surprised.  Miss Michelle said she was going to tell you about me being bad, but she didn't!" 

Who needs Miss Michelle to tell us, apparently. 

"I really wasn't bad though.  It wasn't me."

Of course it wasn't.

"I got yelled at, but it wasn't really me.  Miss Michelle said I was being bad, but I wasn't!"  Cortlan continued on, telling us about his friends who were misbehaving, and the part he played in the whole thing, as we got into the car.

Meanwhile, we tried to get the real story out of him, even if from between the lines.  "Miss Michelle said you were being bad?  Really?  Is that what she said or did she say you weren't being a good listener?  Or did she say that you were being a little too crazy?" I asked, trying to figure out exactly what "being bad" meant.

But it was Everly who really knew how to get to the bottom of it.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, deeply involved in this conversation, she bluntly and very seriously asked, "Were you just jacking around?"

Hard to recover from that one.

Still in denial

A little ice cream (or frozen yogurt) always helps people adjust to being another year older....but he is still intent on telling people he is five.

Happy Birthday, Cortlan!

Last night, as I tucked Cortlan into bed, I could tell that he was fighting tears.  We said our goodnights and I love yous and then the tears began to fall.  "What's wrong, buddy?" I asked him.  He cried harder as he tried to get out the words.

"I am sad that this is my last day to be five!"  

It was hard to know what to say.  To be honest, I was a little sad, too.  But, to be clear, I didn't let on to that fact at all.  Instead, I gushed about how cool it is that he is going to be six and all of the great things that are going to happen.  I asked him what he thought was going to be good about being six.  "The tooth fairy."  What else?  "I will be able to play Beyblades with Cayden."  Yes!

Yet, the tears still fell.  "Buddy, I love you tons.  What is wrong?"

"I wish I would have made a list of all of the things I did!" he sobbed.

"A list of all of the things you did?  You can still do that!"

"No! It would have to be today because I am five today.  I won't be tomorrow."

"You will still remember things about being five tomorrow...we can still write the list tomorrow if you would like.  But remember, we have lots of pictures that we took and things you did at school that we kept, right?"

"Yes."

"And if you want to keep a journal when you are six, you can."

He responded with an "okay" and gave me a big, teary hug.  He was trying to calm down as I left the room, but I had to go back into his room once more before he stopped crying.

This morning, when he woke up, the first thing that Cortlan said to me was, "I stayed up a really long time last night so that I could be five a little longer."

I may have one of the most nostalgic kids in the world.  He wants to keep every memento and scrap of paper, every picture and every piece of schoolwork.  He loves memories and wants to stay little forever.  He writes me love notes:

It is hard to believe that he is six.  I am going to miss these days, too, but I am happy to see him growing up. He is becoming more independent.  He is learning to read.  He is getting better at math.  He is gaining confidence.  He loves building Legos.  He wants to play the violin (but will settle for the piano for now).

Cortlan is such a tenderhearted, sweet boy.  He is so loving.  He is a great big brother.  He is a great son.  I will miss the five-year-old, but I am confident these things aren't going away in my new six-year-old.  

I will help him write down the things he did this year, if he still wants me to.  I will help him keep a journal if he is interested.  But what I am really looking forward to is making more memories with my six-year-old.

Happy Birthday, buddy!

Happy New Year 2013

The year 2012 did not necessarily end on a high note for us...with a funeral, a trip to the ER on Christmas Eve, nearly everyone in my family (including extended family) getting sick, and being holed up in the house and having to cancel or postpone plans with friends and family we were to get together with, I seriously could use a do-over for the last couple of weeks.

But there were some great things that happened through the year...new friendships developed, old ones were reaffirmed and strengthened, new memories were made and milestones reached, growth and change happened all around us.  Those things cannot be overlooked.  Life is good.

Still not one for resolutions, I do appreciate the sense of starting fresh and beginning a new journey.  I feel as though I lost focus of a few things last year, and my hope is to bring the right things back into perspective.  In comparison to the prior couple of years, for one reason or another, I would say that I was a bit more negative, self-doubting, and insecure in 2012.  I would like to change that.  I would like to continue to strive for balance and renew my efforts to savor the moments in life that make it so special.

Shortly after the clock struck 12 last night, my neighbor said, "I resolve to be happy in 2013!"

Sounds good to me.