Poem in Your Pocket Day

Today is the birthday of one of my best friends, as well as my dad's birthday.  (Happy Birthday to them!!)  I also just learned that it is "Poem in Your Pocket" day.  I don't generally have a tremendous amount of poems on the top of my head, but it just so happens that, by the recommendation of a friend, I read a new one the other day that blew me away.  So, out of my blog pocket (blocket?) to you is a poem by Kahlil Gibran.


On Children

Kahlil Gibran


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.


(Do you have a poem in your pocket to share?  It could even be something funny, or a kid's poem!)

And she's off

In, two, three.  Out, two, three.  I breathed with the cadence of my steps as I neared mile two on my maiden voyage for the season today. What is stopping me from getting to that stop sign?  Nothing.  What is stopping me from getting to that lightpost?  Nothing.  What is stopping me from getting to the next street?

I made it all the way home without stopping.  I had done it before, but as I ran today I couldn't help but to think back to last summer, when I impulsively decided to sign up for my first 5K.  A high school friend was coordinating the race to help support the Women's Center where she works.  Everly was not quite six months old.  I had been running and walking here and there as a means to get back into some sort of post-pregnancy shape and because it offered the flexibility that I needed as I worked around nursing, bedtime, etc.  When I signed up, there was less than five weeks until the race, and I hadn't run a consecutive three miles in...well, three years, at least.  So, with my money sent in, the motivation was there for me to at least see if I could do it.

I remember the incredible amount of mental energy it took to convince myself I could make it once I got to the point on my typical loop where I would always take a walking break for about five or ten minutes.  And that entire trip home, from that point on, I played mental games with myself.  I wanted to walk, but what was stopping me from continuing at my pace?  My legs were tired, but still carrying me forward.  My breath was labored, but no worse than the half mile prior.  It was all mental.

As I ran today, I thought about how much of life is just mental...deciding what you want to do, convincing yourself that you can do it, and figuring out a way to make it happen. 

Everly has been stuggling with the whole walking thing for a month or two, taking one or two steps, at best, before grabbing on to something or getting herself down to the ground with a great deal of control.  She is a master crawler, having picked up on that skill on the early side of normal.  She gets around quickly and efficiently, and (until recently) seemed to have no desire to walk.  We would try to coax her.  Walk to Daddy!  Walk to Mommy!  But it was really no use.  

This past Thursday, April 22, Everly decided she could walk.  It was like a switch flipped.  She had convinced herself she could do it and now she was making it happen.  Wednesday, she couldn't walk.  Thursday, she could.  Today, she walked all around the house without falling until it was time to go down a step.  I am sure it won't be long now before she is navigating even the steps with ease.

Much like Everly, there are certainly things in life that I am not quite ready for, or that I have no desire to do at this point.  Sticking with the theme:  running a marathon, for example.  Not on my list of to-do's.  But that isn't to say that it never will be.  I couldn't do it right now if I tried, but I am pretty sure that if I decided I wanted to, I could find the right training program for me, and realize my goal in one way or another.  I would just have to convince myself that I could.

I left the house today not really knowing what I was capable of, for though I have tried to stay in shape over the winter months, I haven't run since my maternity leave was over at the end of October.  So my goal was to make it 1.6 miles out, then turn around and make it home again, in whatever time it took me.  The first half mile was the hardest, but then I got into a good rhythm, lifted my chin and looked at what was ahead of me.  I decided I could get there, and I did. 

I was a sprinter in high school, and in my head, I still am.  I have always known that I can get through things in short bursts, giving my everything in the process.  But I am beginning to appreciate the steady, controlled pacing of the longer run.  Maybe next time I will go for four.



(PS. Good luck to my friends who are running the upcoming half-marathon.  You have worked so hard to get to this point.  Now, go out there and do it!  You know you can, and so do I!  I will be rooting for you all the way.)

She says

Well, not much. 

Except, "WWHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Ok, that isn't all true.  Though, the past couple days haven't been her best (and therefore, not my best).  She has been tired and cranky, and to top it off, has a runny nose and got two shots on Monday.  But it isn't all bad on the Everly front...

I am pretty sure that Everly is trying to say a lot, and she is definitely understanding more and more.  The other day, I told her to get her cup (which was not near us) and "come here".  She did.  She knows where things are, like Elly, for example.  When we come home, she points right to the room that Elly sleeps in during the day.  When I say, "Let's give Elly a treat,"  Everly points to the treats. 

She is working on words.  Though most things sound like "Da," I think I am noticing subtle differences that lead me to think she is saying "done", "dog", and "that."  And I swear she said "shoes" this morning.

Though she doesn't say a lot, she is still communicating and is as cute as could be.  She signed "please" this morning while handing John a bow for her hair.  She is as clear as day when she tells us she is hungry.  And she has decided that she loves being tickled.  When she wants to, she crawls into the middle of our living room, rolls over onto her back and starts squirming and giggling.  Its like she is already imagining how funny it is going to be when someone tickles her.  I have a hard time dealing with Everly crying at times, but her laughter...I can't help but to smile.

He says

Sometimes, when I am talking with Cortlan, I find myself wishing that I had a tape-recorder.  The things he says, the connections he makes, the way his mind works as he is trying to figure out the world, the way he says things...I just want to keep our conversations forever.  So, though I don't want to overdo it, I feel like if I at least write some of it down, I will hear his voice play back in my head someday way down the road as I read these snippits of conversations. 

Saturday...
Cortlan:  Why do you have that face on?
Me: I am trying to figure out what you are doing.
Cortlan:  So that's your 'figuring face'?
Me:  Yep, I guess so.

Sunday...
Cortlan:  I want to be a Daddy when I grow up.  How do I do that?
Oh, so many places this could go.  Let's hope for the best.
Me:  Well, it is probably best to get married and be a husband first.  Like, Daddy is my husband and I am his wife.
Cortlan:  Oh!  So Everly can be the wife and I can be the husband!
Ummmmmm.  Didn't see that one coming.  Good logic for a three-year-old:  a husband and wife live in the same house and care about each other.  But, yeah.  That's not the way our family rolls.
After a bit of explaining, he seemed to understand (and luckily, didn't ask for any more details of the Daddy-becoming procedure.) 

Hours later from the backseat of the car:
Cortlan (matter of factly): When I grow up, I am going to be a husband and a Daddy.
So, he hasn't given up on the aspiration, yet.  Hopefully, he doesn't.  I would love to have some grandchildren someday.

Just a few minutes ago after dinner...
John:  Cortlan, is that your underwear?  What is going on?  Did you just put something down the front of your pants?
Cortlan:  Yeah, my gloves.
Me (stifling a laugh):  He is calling his socks his gloves.  So, he just put socks down the front of his pants.
John:  Why did you put your socks down the front of your pants?
Cortlan:  Gloves.  Because you guys don't have them on.
John and me:  No, we don't have socks on, but we also didn't put them down our pants.

To be fair, Cortlan didn't have pockets, so I am pretty sure that is why he did what he did.  But I just couldn't stop laughing, especially when he started pulling the socks out later, after I had forgotten that they were there.  I can't even imagine what we are going to get when Everly starts talking.

Stressing

I don't think it is all that easy to be a mom in this day and age...not that it was ever easy.  In fact, I am pretty sure that every generation of moms has had a pretty substantial set of challenges to deal with, not to be compared to one another.  But I am a relatively new mom in the year 2010, and I need to vent. 

I have been mulling over the first couple of chapters of a book I am reading by Judith Warner called Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety.  Just a disclaimer:  I have not read all of the book, and in the end I am not sure what she is going to conclude, so therefore, I don't yet know if I am going to agree with it.  But at the point where I am right now, she is just describing the issues that mothers face in today's world.  As I read it last night, I felt like she was talking about me.

As Warner says, one great thing about being a mom today is that we have a ton of choices.  There is not a set path that is absolutely expected of us, like was the case for women decades ago, and you will definitely see moms making many different choices - all what they think is best for the unique needs and wants of their families.  Some moms work, some stay at home.  Some breast feed, some bottle feed.  Some choose attachment parenting, some co-sleep, some adhere to strict schedules, some let the baby choose the schedule, some...well, hopefully, you get my point.  We have tons of choices.  But therein lies a huge problem.  Or problems.  We have choices, but we are also somehow made to feel like the choices we make will make or break our lives or our children's lives.  And because so much emphasis is put on nurture (versus nature) these days, it would seem as though how our children turn out in the end is entirely our "fault," so every decision seems like a life-altering one.

Cortlan didn't want to eat his peas last night.  I seriously was stressed about this like you wouldn't believe:  Ok, we have about five seconds to make this decision.  What do we do??  Do we let him not eat the peas?  Because if we don't let him eat the peas, maybe he will think that he never has to eat peas, and hence, any veggie.  Should we punish him in some way for not eating the peas?  He always used to like peas.  Do we let him eat just one bite and be done?  Do we force him to eat the peas?  Is it going to cause him some long term damage to be forced to eat peas?  Do we let him just sit at the dinner table until he is done, no matter how long it takes?  Do we give him a time limit and let him feel what it is to be hungry when he doesn't finish in that time frame?  Do we save the peas and make him eat them next time he wants to eat, even if that is at breakfast the next day?  

Is it any wonder I was in a bad mood last night?  I mean, I truly felt that this decision may just change our lives.  I want to get it "right" the first time, because I know how hard it is to change kids once they get to experience something one way (that is also the reason that my kids never slept with me - for no other reason than I was worried about how hard it would be to get them to sleep in their own beds down the road), and I don't want to have to undo any damage (I use that term loosely) that results from my decisions.  You don't even want to know what I do to myself regarding whether we should switch school districts from the one we live in to the one we work in, which is something I think about on a daily basis (no exaggeration).  Depending on what frame of mind I am in, some days I think the school district has everything to do with my kids' chances at success and happiness in life.  (It doesn't, I know.)  I put the weight of the world on my shoulders, as I try to make the right decisions for my kids.  But the thing is that there is no "right."  Or is there?  Sometimes, I feel like I know.  Not today.

Being a mom is hard.  For so many reasons.  I could write a book on it, but one (probably many) has already been written.  It might take a year for me to get through this book in five-minute spurts during breakfast time, but I am going to try to finish it, because I am interested to see what Warner thinks is the solution to these issues that we face. 

So some days, this is how I think.  And that is why I force myself to recognize and appreciate the little things.  Appreciate life and the moments, and try to let go of some of the stress, because if I don't I am sure I will go crazy.  Luckily, I do love my family tons and tons, and I do experience true joy as a result of them.  It is funny what being a mom has done to me - my every emotion gets seems to get heightened...stress is more stressful, but man, are the good times good.  I have made choices in my life, and so far I am very sure that I wouldn't change any of them.  Well, I don't know yet about the peas.  We will see how that one turns out.

My little cartoon character

Cortlan decided yesterday that he wanted to be Caillou.  Everly was Rosie.  I was Caillou's mommy and John was his daddy (a big stretch, I know).  This all made for some interesting conversations and some very confusing moments, as the world of imagination and reality collided.  Fortunately, Caillou likes to eat his vegetables; that came in kind of handy.  At bedtime, when I occasionally make up a story with Cortlan as the main character, the story had to be about Caillou.  We read the Big Brother book that he has, and every time the main character's name was mentioned, I had to change it to Caillou, and the baby's name had to be Rosie.

So I shouldn't have been surprised this morning.  I went in to wake my snoring Cortlan, and as I usually do, I rubbed his back a little while gently saying, "Cortlan, honey, it is time to wake up."  He stirred a bit, and then without so much as opening his eyes, whispered, "Say 'Caillou'."

Just call me "slash" ;)

So, I am on the advisory board of the Physics Department at my Alma Mater, and we had our semi-annual meeting on Saturday.  I am really so glad to be involved with this, for so many reasons, not limited to the following:

1.  I generally do not like driving.  But I can't tell you how much I enjoyed driving 45 minutes in a car, each way, by myself, listening to my music.  Alone time is scarce in my life.  And you can only listen to the ABC Song and Waltzing Matilda so many times before you start to go just a little bit crazy.

2.  It is nice to go back to the campus and see how much has changed.  And how much stayed the same.  (Though, the realization that people in the dining hall weren't mistaking me for a student wasn't so nice.)

3.  Though I do have a lot of control in and input into my daily life, it is nice to feel like what I have to say is valuable on a professional level.  I felt like a grown-up in a room of grown-ups.  We had intellectual conversations that didn't require interpreting toddler-speak, one word answers, or sign language.  And even though I stand in front of a classroom full of people on a daily basis, when I spoke on Saturday I was actually listened to by everyone in the room. I didn't have to repeat myself thirty times.  I didn't get interrupted.  I was asked questions; not "What's for dinner?" or "What is the homework tonight?" (even though it is written on the board), but about how I thought various things could be improved.  And my suggestions might actually affect change. 

The bottom line is this:  I got to have the experience of moving out of my typical mom/wife/teacher role and spread my wings a little bit.  It felt great.  It felt great to be appreciated in a way not typical of my daily life, and to be told as much.  And that whole notion that by even the smallest things, we can make a difference in the world?  Yeah, a little reaffirmation from a different point of view is pretty awesome.

Money buys happiness?

I read the other day that people generally feel a greater sense of "happy" when they spend their money on experiences as opposed to material goods, and that money can indeed buy happiness if spent on the right things.

Thought provoking, huh?  My initial reaction is that I both agree and disagree.  But this is definitely something that I am going to think about. 

I mean, part of me says that if I am going to spend my money, I want something measurable to come out of it.  Take my dining room table, for example.  I like it.  We waited a long time before we spent our money on it and I am now glad to be able to see it every day.  It looks nice in our house, matches our style, is the right size.  My bed - we bought a nice mattress and it makes me happy and because of it (and sheer exhaustion) I am able to get a wonderful night's sleep.  My camera - I love that I have nice, portable camera that takes decent pictures.

Ok.  Wait.  I am writing as I think, here, and now that I just re-read the three things that came to the top of my head, I need to reconsider them.  Is it the table that makes me happy, or is it that we can fit more people around it to have a nice dinner with friends and/or family?  Is it the mattress that makes me happy or the experience of a good night's sleep?  And the camera - I am pretty sure what makes me happy about that is that I get to have a visual record of the wonderful experiences that are happening during the picture taking.

Interesting.

We do not have a tremendous amount of expendable income at this point in our lives.  (At least not after we pay for childcare.  Ugh.)  So, we really don't spend a lot of money on experiences OR material goods, except what we really need.  Not that we don't spend any, but certainly not in the amounts that some people can afford to spend.

With that said, I do know that I love the experience of going to the zoo and children's museum with my kids - no souvenirs necessary.  And vacationing with friends - be it in a condo at the beach or in a tent.  And having fun at Idlewild Park.  And of course, all of the little experiences that require no money at all.

But I also know that I love having a cute new outfit to wear (few and far between these days), and a sentimental piece of jewelry around my neck.

I have a lot more thinking about this topic to do.  And quite possibly a lot more writing.  But I am out of time for a little while...lots on the agenda this weekend (things that might tie in nicely to this post).  So, while I am experiencing, I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.  Experiences vs. Material goods?  Can money buy happiness?

The Watering Can

Every now and then, I have to remind myself that appreciating life and the moments actually requires a conscious effort.  That is something that is easy to forget as I get bogged down with so many things on a daily basis. So, with that in mind, I decided that I needed to pick a moment today. 

First, a little back story:  Yesterday, John got Cortlan a watering can that the Easter Bunny forgot.  Actually, it wasn't so much that the Easter Bunny forgot.  Rather, there was just not enough time in the Easter Bunny's day sans kids, so by the time the one request* was made, it was too late.  Thus, the Bunny left a note instructing mom and dad to find one.  We obliged. 

*As a rather lengthy side note (I will get to "the moment" in a minute):  One endearing thing about Cortlan, in my opinion, is that he doesn't ask for much.  I realize that will likely change, but for now, I can love it.  For Christmas, he asked for one thing (well, one set of things):  A digger, dump truck, cement mixer, and "everything" (meaning the set of construction stuff).  Last Christmas, it was a train.  For Easter, it was an umbrella.  His aunt got him the umbrella, and you should have seen his face when he saw it...it didn't matter that there were twenty other things in his basket.  He wanted the umbrella, and I swear he would have been happy if that was all he got.  The same is true with the Christmas gifts.  So, yeah, the watering can was request #2.  But he got the umbrella on Thursday from his Aunt LuAnn.  He had asked for the umbrella from the Easter Bunny.  In his mind, he needed to have something for the Easter Bunny to bring, and when he saw the watering can on Friday, it apparently was love at first sight.  He was so appreciative of EVERYTHING on Easter morning (candy notwithstanding), but, don't you know, in a not-really-disappointed-but-matter-of-fact kind of way he said, "Hmmm.  I didn't get a watering can."  The one thing.  I should have known.  Good thing that Easter Bunny can read and write.  And Cortlan can't.

So, anyway...about the watering can and my conscious recognition of a moment (as anti-climatic as it may be)...I love conversations with my kid:

Me:  Wow!  That is a really awesome watering can!  Who is in that picture?

Cortlan: Diego!

Me:  And what else?

Cortlan:  An elephant!!!  (pause) And coffee!!

Coffee??  I am pretty sure that is a drum.  Or maybe Cortlan just knows something I don't...(?)   

And things just seem so much better when it is 80 degrees in April

Some observations from the week:

• Anyone who thinks that what they eat doesn't affect how kids behave should witness the transformation that takes place within minutes of my son having a fun size pack of Skittles.
• There is something unbelievably cute about a 1 year-old in capris and sandals.
• I realize that facing adversity and learning to deal with it is part of growing up, and I don't want to be "that" mom, but sometimes after hearing certain stories, it is hard to not go into Cortlan's preschool and kick some three-year-old butt on his behalf.
• I love my neighborhood and hanging out with my neighbors, but the latest  and best thing - the baby monitor still works in the driveway of our new next door neighbors' house after bedtime.
• I really do not enjoy having to use my weekends to catch up on all of the housework that cannot get accomplished during the workweek.  I really just want to be able to go places and do things, especially now that the weather is getting so nice.  Thus, I am thisclose to hiring someone to clean for me during the school year.  But I probably won't. 
• I like the word swagger.  I don't know why.  I just do.  I don't even really know how to use it.  Is it a noun?  A verb?
• I make it through the first year, and in hindsight, I am kind of able to enjoy babyhood...but things really get fun during the second year.  Now that Everly is starting to communicate a bit more (signing more, all done, eat/hungry, bathtime, and sleepy) and doesn't need to be carried around everywhere, life is getting easier.
• Sometimes, even though I may just want to go to bed and have to reluctantly drag myself there, a girls' night out is exactly what I need.  Though, having it on a Wednesday night may not be the best plan.
• Playing Ring Around The Rosie is much more fun with two kids than one.

Happy Easter!