Manners List

In March, Parents magazine inluded an article titled, "25 Manners Every Kid Needs By Age 9."  I would also argue that adults could use an article like this as a little reminder every now and then, though perhaps with some editing.  I was just sorting through a few things in a lame attempt to organize a bit and came across the article.  I was planning to keep it, but as I saw it for the first time since putting it in a random folder in March, I decided that I would instead throw the article away and include its contents here.  Because, really, the odds of it becoming anything more than clutter is pretty slim at this rate.  I hope this isn't violating any copyright or fair use policies, but again, though I agree with nearly all of it (and would even add to it), it is not my own work - it was written by David Lowry, PH.D. and published by Parents magazine.  Here goes:

1. When asking for something, say "Please."
2. When receiving something, say "Thank you."
3. Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency.  They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.
4. If you do need to get somebody's attention right away, the phrase "excuse me" is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation.
5. When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first.  It can save you from many hours of grief later.
6. The world is not interested in what you dislike.  Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.
7. Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.
8. When people ask how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.
9. When you have spent time at your friend's house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.
10. Knock on closed doors - and wait to see if there's a response - before entering.
11. When you make a phone call, introduce yourself fist and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.
12. Be appreciative and say "thank you" for any gift you receive.  In the age of e-mail, a handwritten thank-you note can have a powerful effect.
13. Never use foul language in front of adults.  Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.
14. Don't call people mean names.
15. Do not make fun of anyone for any reason.  Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel.
16. Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested.  The performers and presenters are doing their best.
17. If you bump into somebody, immediately say, "excuse me."
18. Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don't pick your nose in public.
19. As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.
20. If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help.  if they say "yes", do so- you may learn something new.
21. When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.
22. When someone helps you, say "thank you."  That person will likely want to help you again.  This is especially true with teachers!
23. Use eating utensils properly.  If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do.
24. Keep a napkin on your lap and use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.
25. Don't reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

Here's to hoping my kids have these manners someday...hopefully sooner than later.

(There.  Now I can throw that article in the recycling bin and get back to work.)

I hope

A measurable amount of rain has fallen in this area twenty-seven out of the last thirty-three days.  Breaking it down, there has been rain every day in May so far and twenty-four days in April.  I am typically not one to complain about weather...I like a nice variety: snow and rain, freezing and sweltering temps alike.  But at a point when we are supposed to have emerged from the cold, dark winter, it would be nice to have a bit of sunshine to welcome us.  The weather has certainly affected my mood lately, but the weather isn't the only thing.  Maybe I have been paying too much attention to negativity or maybe I have read too many blogs and Facebook status updates, but lately, the way people have been reacting to a large variety of topics has mystified me, angered me, stumped me, and well, irritated me.  I am not going to get into those particular topics, though I have started several blog posts about them only to (thankfully) pull back the reigns.  Instead, I am going to take what I have seen and read and heard and attempt to be constructive. 

To my children:

It is hard being a parent.  I came close to including "in this day and age," or "working" but, no.  It is hard being a parent.  Period.  As you grow up, please realize that I am doing the best I can to prepare you for life.  Every parent has difficult decisions to make about what is best for him or her.  Though I plan to guide you, I am not going to be a helicopter parent.  There are lessons you will have to learn through experience that may not be pleasant for either of us.  And as much as I would sometimes like to, I am not going to shelter you from the world.  At least for a while, your father and I probably have the means and ability to create our own world for you, one in which you rarely have to be exposed to negativity, pressure, responsibility, bullies, mixed messages sent by the media, and rules that are set by other people.  But I believe that you have to learn to navigate the world we live in, as it is our reality.  I believe you have to learn to "play the game," whether the game is perfect or not.  I believe you have to learn how to deal with all types of people, not just the ones we hand-pick for you.  And while I have no idea how you will turn out, I have high hopes for you.

You will someday leave my care and guidance, and I hope that at that time you will have the confidence and knowledge to make good decisions.  I hope that you will have a strong sense of self and awareness of right and wrong.  I hope I will have been able to take advantage of the many teachable moments that present themselves and that you will know how to handle adversity, that you will know what it means to be responsible. 

As you grow up, I hope that you have opinions and can express them with confidence.  But I hope that you realize that, in most cases, there is no "right" way to do things, and what may be right to you may not work in someone else's situation.  I hope that you are open-minded and willing to listen.  You do not have to agree with everyone, but my hope is that you will be respectful, even in your disagreement.

Whether next door or across the globe, not everyone is living the same circumstances.  Not everyone has had the same experiences as you, and you have not experienced what everyone else has.  I hope you will not judge.  And I hope you will not begrudge, either.  It is ok for someone else to have things that you don't; you certainly have things that others do not, as well.  Be happy for people.  And strive for what you want.

I hope you will at least make an effort to obtain all of the facts about a situation before you get angry.  I also hope you will not hold resentment.  (A great quote by an anonymous person:  "Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.")

I hope you will carefully think about who you might hurt or what you may be revealing before you hit "send" or "update."  Technology is great, but certainly has its shortcomings, too.
 
I hope you will be a giver in life, and not a taker.

I hope you will learn to see the positive, try not to be cynical, trust. 

I hope you appreciate what others do for you, and return the favor.  Or at the very least, be grateful and express that gratitude.

I hope you find happiness and are happy with your self.

I hope you find love and love your self.

I hope you love life, and enjoy it to the fullest.

I hope you try, and realize that I do, too.