Through his eyes

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?

~Henry David Thoreau

"Do you see anything in this picture that you could trace with your finger?" the woman would ask. 

"No.  Just dots," he responded.



One of many "dot pictures" they use for the test for color vision deficiencies. Click here for a few more.



It has actually been well over a month since I sat in the exam room of the opthamologist with Cortlan, watching him quietly look at page after page of images and numbers that I could clearly see, but that just looked like dots to him.  As I mentioned before, my dad is colorblind, and I knew that Cortlan had a 50-50 shot at having a color vision deficiency, as well, as the gene is passed through the mother.  Different incidents had given me pause and reason to suspect that Cortlan was indeed colorblind, but the test results left no doubt.

As far as genetic anomalies go, a color vision deficiency is really no big deal.  It is not terribly uncommon, and people with the deficiency lead perfectly normal lives, of course.  But, as a mom, I couldn't (can't?) help but to feel for my little guy.  He will never know what colors look like to me, and I guess that is ok.  He has his own "normal."  But, perhaps more bothersome to me is that I will never know what colors look like to him.  I wish I could see the world through his eyes, see what he sees.

I knew quite a bit from my dad already, but I have done tons of research since Cortlan's diagnosis.  The basic idea is that the cones in his eyes are not all sensitive to the same range of frequencies of light that mine are.  There are many different types and degrees of color blindness, depending on which of the three cones are affected and by how much.  As there is no easy way to see what he sees, I have to learn through observation. 

Recently, Cortlan was eating some colorful goldfish:

Cortlan, holding up a fish: It's the one I was looking for!

Me: Which one?

Cortlan: The one that matches the picture!

Me: And what color is that?

Cortlan, pausing, searching for the best answer: Black.


The dark red goldfish "matched" the dark green one on the carton.  Not the best picture, but I think you get the idea.


But later that same day, he asked, "Which one does Mommy use?  The red or the green?" referring to the exercise bands that were on the floor.

Cortlan has learned to correctly identify brighter shades of red and green, though he does not actually see these colors as I do.

There are other incidents that have shed some light on what difficulties Cortlan may have.  Drawing with sidewalk chalk on the driveway, for example, made it clear that he has some trouble with some other colors, as well, as he drew apples on a tree.  To me, the apples were brown and the tree was turquoise.  Put those colors on a cement grey background, and to Cortlan, you have have a perfectly normal looking apple tree.

I think that Cortlan has a pretty good idea that he sees things a little differently.  At the very least, he knows that sometime colors can be tricky for him.  But he has also learned to cover well.  Not long ago, Everly wanted to color with markers.  I gave Cortlan four to give to her, and I told him to tell her the colors as he gave them to her, so she can learn them.  One by one, he handed them to her.  "This one is yellow.  Can you say yellow, Everly?  This one is blue.  Say blue.  This one is a green one."  And then, as he reached the one he had saved for last, "Do you know what color this one is?  I am not telling you.  You have to guess."  That one was a dark pink color.

We have tried to communicate with Cortlan about the fact that he may see colors differently than other people and that sometimes learning different colors can be hard.  When subtle shade changes actually represent entirely different colors, it is bound to be challenging. What I don't want is for him to feel stupid, or frustrated.  Unlike my dad, who didn't find out that he was colorblind until he was a preteen, we are lucky in that we were able to identify this color vision deficiency early, and can work with him and his teachers and understand the situation from the start.

Maybe Cortlan will encounter difficulties at times.  And perhaps someday his wife will have to help him pick out his clothes.  But he has assured us that he sees "lots of pretty colors."  And he is perfect in my eyes.

Some interesting references:
http://www.webexhibits.org/causesofcolor/2.html
http://colorvisiontesting.com/what%20colorblind%20people%20see.htm