Waving a White Shirt

I've read the magazines, and even a book or two.  I know that two-year-olds want to have more control than they are able to have, and they have a hard time controlling their emotions and impulses.  I get that life must be frustrating when you know what you want but either a) can't express it, b) can't get it yourself, or c) aren't allowed to have it and can't understand why.  I also know that giving children as much control as possible in their life by providing reasonable choices and "picking your battles," as well as talking to them in a way that expresses your understanding of their out of control emotions, helps everyone in dealing with this difficult phase of life known as "The Terrible Twos."

But exactly what do you do when none of that works?

I give Everly two choices of outfits in the morning.  Meltdown.  She wants a third.

I give Everly three choices of outfits the next morning.  Meltdown.  She wants a fourth.

I open the drawer this morning and tell her to pick the pants she wants.  Of course, she picks the red ribbed leggings that she wore in our Christmas card picture.  And has to wear the matching Christmas picture shirt. It is April.

Fine, I thought. My fault.  I obviously should have removed all unreasonable choices from the drawer.  But there are worse things than a child wearing a Christmas outfit to school in April, right?  At least we got away without a meltdown.

Not so fast.

We still had to pick socks.  Socks.  The meltdown began.  And it was a mess.  If it wasn't about which socks she was going to wear, it was about who was putting them on her.

I give her different choices.  I attempt to validate her emotions:  I understand that you are upset about wearing these socks.  I try reasoning with her.  I walk away.  John tries.

Nothing helps.  

We deal with the same thing at night with PJs. "Micky all clean?" she asks, and we brace ourselves for the reaction when her favorite PJs are in the wash.  She picks her own PJs, we get them on her, and then she gets upset because she changed her mind.  I swear she just looks for a reason to meltdown sometimes.

Fortunately, Everly is not always like this.  She can be so cute that she makes you melt.  She has the most adorable giggle and smile, and makes me laugh on a regular basis.  I love her to pieces.  But the girl likes control.  I feel for her.  I like control, too.  So, I am trying to put the control in her hands when I can.  For now, the wardrobe is one of the safest, easiest places for that to happen.

But I seriously feel like I need a sign to wear any time I leave my house:  "She picked her own outfit today.  Yes, even the shoes.  Yes, even the multiple barrettes and bows in her hair.  I gave up the fight."

I could have worn my sign on a recent trip to Toys R Us.