And she's off

In, two, three.  Out, two, three.  I breathed with the cadence of my steps as I neared mile two on my maiden voyage for the season today. What is stopping me from getting to that stop sign?  Nothing.  What is stopping me from getting to that lightpost?  Nothing.  What is stopping me from getting to the next street?

I made it all the way home without stopping.  I had done it before, but as I ran today I couldn't help but to think back to last summer, when I impulsively decided to sign up for my first 5K.  A high school friend was coordinating the race to help support the Women's Center where she works.  Everly was not quite six months old.  I had been running and walking here and there as a means to get back into some sort of post-pregnancy shape and because it offered the flexibility that I needed as I worked around nursing, bedtime, etc.  When I signed up, there was less than five weeks until the race, and I hadn't run a consecutive three miles in...well, three years, at least.  So, with my money sent in, the motivation was there for me to at least see if I could do it.

I remember the incredible amount of mental energy it took to convince myself I could make it once I got to the point on my typical loop where I would always take a walking break for about five or ten minutes.  And that entire trip home, from that point on, I played mental games with myself.  I wanted to walk, but what was stopping me from continuing at my pace?  My legs were tired, but still carrying me forward.  My breath was labored, but no worse than the half mile prior.  It was all mental.

As I ran today, I thought about how much of life is just mental...deciding what you want to do, convincing yourself that you can do it, and figuring out a way to make it happen. 

Everly has been stuggling with the whole walking thing for a month or two, taking one or two steps, at best, before grabbing on to something or getting herself down to the ground with a great deal of control.  She is a master crawler, having picked up on that skill on the early side of normal.  She gets around quickly and efficiently, and (until recently) seemed to have no desire to walk.  We would try to coax her.  Walk to Daddy!  Walk to Mommy!  But it was really no use.  

This past Thursday, April 22, Everly decided she could walk.  It was like a switch flipped.  She had convinced herself she could do it and now she was making it happen.  Wednesday, she couldn't walk.  Thursday, she could.  Today, she walked all around the house without falling until it was time to go down a step.  I am sure it won't be long now before she is navigating even the steps with ease.

Much like Everly, there are certainly things in life that I am not quite ready for, or that I have no desire to do at this point.  Sticking with the theme:  running a marathon, for example.  Not on my list of to-do's.  But that isn't to say that it never will be.  I couldn't do it right now if I tried, but I am pretty sure that if I decided I wanted to, I could find the right training program for me, and realize my goal in one way or another.  I would just have to convince myself that I could.

I left the house today not really knowing what I was capable of, for though I have tried to stay in shape over the winter months, I haven't run since my maternity leave was over at the end of October.  So my goal was to make it 1.6 miles out, then turn around and make it home again, in whatever time it took me.  The first half mile was the hardest, but then I got into a good rhythm, lifted my chin and looked at what was ahead of me.  I decided I could get there, and I did. 

I was a sprinter in high school, and in my head, I still am.  I have always known that I can get through things in short bursts, giving my everything in the process.  But I am beginning to appreciate the steady, controlled pacing of the longer run.  Maybe next time I will go for four.



(PS. Good luck to my friends who are running the upcoming half-marathon.  You have worked so hard to get to this point.  Now, go out there and do it!  You know you can, and so do I!  I will be rooting for you all the way.)