Sky Dive, Part 2

(Click for Part 1)

I was floating through the air, my legs involuntarily kicking as if I were swimming, and then in an instant, the chute opened.  I looked up and saw the full canopy, checked everything that I was taught to check, and heard the reassuring voice on the one-way radio attached to my jumpsuit telling me that everything looked good from the ground.  In the moments when the voice wasn't coming from the radio, I have never heard or felt such peace.  I felt like I was sitting on a pillow, dangling from a cloud.  I looked around for a landmark that I recognized, seeing the world from this new vantage point for the first time.  It was amazing.

I followed the instructions from the voice and navigated through the air.  There came a point when I felt that I wasn't even falling anymore, that I was stuck in the air.  As it turns out, I kind of was stuck.  I got caught in an air pocket that was preventing me from decending at any noticable rate, and so I was instructed to pull down hard on the right cord, causing me to spiral out of the pocket.  I began my decent, and landed safely.

I am not sure the smile could be removed from my face with a chisel after I landed.  "How was it?!"  I couldn't even put it into words. 

I got my first job that summer, and the money I made was so that I could jump.  A few more static line jumps, and I would officially be able to pull the cord myself.  I made it to that point, and did my first free fall with great success.  There were a few hang-ups along the way.  For example, on my second jump, the cords were tangled.  Reaching up as high as I could reach and pulling down hard through the tangle allowed me to spin out of the mess and my chute to fully open.  But I loved every minute of my decents.  What freedom.  And what peace.

The summer ended with eight take-offs and no landings in the Cessna.  And then I never jumped again.  Part of the reason was that I found other things on which to spend my money.  Part of the reason was that I had done it and was satisfied with my experience, and I didn't need to do it anymore.  And part was because, even though there was no trace of nervousness as I embarked the plane for my very first jump, nor as I jumped out that first time, with every flight after that first one, my nerves got worse.  Reasonable or not, as the number of times that I jumped out of the plane increased, something inside me told me that the odds of something bad happening were increasing, too.

This memory came to me the other day as I reflected at the halfway point of the year.  I realized that, generally speaking, I am at a very happy place in my life.  This year, more than any other, I have taken the time to savor the good moments and push through and beyond the bad ones without dwelling for too long.  I have refocused and tuned in.  I have learned a lot about myself, both good and bad.  And I have worked to change some of the bad, with some margin of success.  I am happy.  And I feel peace.   And every now and then, I feel nervous.

It only takes turning on the evening news to realize that our lives can change in an instant.  And while I realize that I can't live my life being nervous that something bad is going to happen, like I did that sky diving summer, there are certain times that the fragility of life is brought to the forefront of my mind.  "However good or bad a situation...it will change."  All the more reason to love life and the moments it gives us, hold onto the sweet and precious memories, and appreciate everything good and happy and peaceful and free.