My Speech

Ok, so here is the script from my speech, given to the magna cum laude and summa cum laude graduates of my high school alma matter at their honors banquet the day before they graduated.  I am hesitant to post this, because I think that the delivery can really change a speech.  If you have read most of my blog, you will see that I incorporated some of my former blog posts into the speech, so some may be familiar to you.  (Sorry!)  If you haven't read the post about what I went through before, during, and after this speech, you may want to read that first.  (Though, that might be more reading than you want to do.)  Anyway, as anticlimactic as it may be, here goes...

Thank you. Good evening everyone.

I feel like I should start this speech tonight by saying that at this moment, my biggest fear is either heights or public speaking. And I realize that both are kind of weird fears for me to have, considering that: 1. I have jumped out of an airplane eight times and 2. I am a teacher who stands in front of a classroom full of people everyday. But I can assure you that jumping out of an airplane is very different than looking over a balcony or walking up steps that don't have risers or walking across a bridge or a number of other things that I could mention that have sent my heart racing. And standing in front of a class teaching my students physics is very different than standing here tonight. But I have only had one panic attack in my life. It was on the sky coaster at Kennywood about ten years ago. (My husband probably still has the marks on his arm and the ringing in his ears from the experience.) So, I am figuring that if I don't have a panic attack while giving this speech tonight, I can officially rank public speaking as number two on my list of fears. We will see how that goes.

With that said...I can't tell you how many times I started writing this speech only to scrap it and start over again. It really wasn't as easy as Miss Ross made it sound when she was trying to convince me to do it. I mean, to be asked was sincerely an honor, but just reading the e-mail asking me to do this was cause for a reapplication of deodorant. What can I possibly say to inspire you? You are among the best and brightest. You are self motivated. You are are hard working. You are inspirational.

I went to many sources when trying to decide what to say. I even resorted to Facebook and asked my friends what advice they would give you if they were in my position. You certainly don't want to know everything they had to say; trust me. In fact, I should probably include some advice in here about not doing research via a status update, and maybe even "don't always listen to your facebook friends."

But I found it interesting that the very first piece of advice that came up was, "I would advise them to do something that scares them, often."

What are you afraid of? Think about that. What are you afraid of? I mean really afraid of?

I can tell you that there have been many things I have been afraid of in my life, heights and public speaking aside.

15 years ago, I was you. And I remember everyone and their mother, literally, asking me where I was going to college and what I was going to major in, and what I wanted to do with my life. I got tired of the looks when I said, "Uhhhhh. I have no idea," and so I started to just make things up. But the reality was that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. For things like this banquet, I wrote down that I was majoring in architecture. It just sounded a lot better than "undecided," even though that is really what I was. The uncertainty was really scary for me. I felt like I was just supposed to "know" what I wanted to do with my life. I was supposed to be able to picture my life in 5, 10, 15 years. But I could hardly picture my life in 5 months! What I did know was that I wanted to graduate college, get a job, probably get married. I didn't really know if I wanted to have kids or not. I kind of envisioned having a prestigious career of some sort, though I wasn't sure which, and just like everyone, I wanted to be rich...you know...successful.

But I was also afraid of failure. There came that point in senior year when we had to vote on senior superlatives. People were coming up to me and telling me that they were going to vote for me for most likely to succeed, and I immediately pleaded for them to not vote for me. I felt like if I was voted most likely to succeed, that there would be this expectation hanging over me for the rest of my life - the expectation that I would actually succeed. And come on! I was to the point of making things up about what I was going to do with the rest of my life! How could I be most likely to succeed? But I was voted most likely to succeed. And that made me even more afraid to fail. When I came back to meet with my friends at my 10 year reunion, what would I be? Would I live up to my title? But I wasn't just afraid to fail in the big picture; I was afraid to fail in lesser ways, too. I think that is just something that people like you and I have in common...how many times have you said, "Oh my gosh. I totally failed that test." And then at worst, you got a B?

In my life I have also been afraid of change. Well, maybe "afraid" isn't the right word for this one...maybe just "not good at dealing with" change would be more appropriate. John would probably say that is the understatement of the century. I started college at Penn State main campus as an architecture major. I can tell you that going from high school to college was one of the two biggest changes that I have ever faced in my life. Becoming a mother and everything that came along with it was the other of the top two. In both cases, being who I am and due to my "bad at dealing with change" nature, I cried for weeks as I reeled from the change. I was in a tailspin. Within two days of class starting at Penn State, I switched my major to "undecided". Within two weeks of being there, I moved home (literally, on a Friday, I moved all of my possessions home) and then, realizing that was going to get me nowhere, I moved all of my possessions back on Sunday. (My parents loved me.) To a point, the change was almost overwhelming. Unfortunately, my 15 month old daughter seems to have inherited a bit of this from me, as I recently found when went to drop her off at her daycare and I forgot her daily banana in the car. I had to run back out to the car to get it, but the damage was already done. She thought I left her without the banana that starts her every morning. You would have thought that I was abusing the poor child. She cried for 45 minutes, because there was a change in her routine.

What are you afraid of?

You might not even know yet. I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid of change. I was afraid of failure.

And while I am not able to stand here tonight and tell you that I have done a complete 180, I can tell you that the unknown doesn't really scare me much anymore - it taunts me a bit, and sometimes frustrates me; it certainly makes me uneasy at times, but it also really excites me. As R.I. Fitzhenry said, "Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity." Think about where you are right now. Yes, it might be a bit scary that you don't know exactly where you are going to be in five or ten years, but how exciting is it that your path isn't set? How exciting is it that there are people that you have yet to meet that will change your life? How exciting that there are experiences that you will have that you can't even fathom? Uncertainty can be scary, but it doesn't have to be. Very rarely are the decisions you make final. For example, I can assure you that you can change your mind if you don't like your major. I obviously did, and of the 19 people that responded to another one of my scientific studies via status update, 12 of them had changed their majors multiple times. One officially changed her major eight times, unofficially 14 times, and still graduated in 4 years. Another began college with a biomedical engineering major and ended up with a double major in history and dance. Seriously. Uncertainty can be scary, but if you let them, through your uncertainties you may discover your passion. You also may travel to places that you have never imagined. I spent a month in Korea, a spring break in Germany, a portion of my student teaching in Ireland. I highly recommend that you travel in college. You will likely never have the same freedom or opportunities to do so again in your life. But more importantly, push yourself beyond your comfort zone. You have no idea what you might be capable of. Jump into the unknown. Some of the best experiences that I had in college, or even in my life, were the ones that I would have never pictured in my future when I sat at these tables.

As for change, well, even now, 100 years or so after my high school graduation, I am still not the best at dealing with change. It is just my nature, and I think in large part, it is human nature. But I have mastered it somewhat. When I had my second child, I only cried for a few days as opposed to the weeks with my first. I have even dealt relatively gracefully with the changes in my environment since having children. For example, I used to be able to open my nicely organized Tupperware cabinet without an avalanche of random containers falling out. I am ok with the avalanche these days, because I know that playing in that cabinet is something that my kids love to do, and my love for my kids and seeing them happy far outweighs my somewhat obsessive love for organization. Honestly, I have had to change. The other option was to go crazy. Just like Robert C. Gallagher said, "Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine." It is. Change is inevitable, but it is also necessary. What would our lives be if there was no change? There will always be a little discomfort with change, but it is what helps us grow. You will be dealing with a lot of change in the near future. Be prepared for it, and you will excel. Know that the A's may not come as easy. But there is no shame in heading to your professors' office hours or to the tutorial center and getting some extra help. And a B isn't the end of the world. Know that you will at times feel homesick, but that you will always be able to go back home, and that you will be able to make a new home of your own, too, wherever you are. Know even though they may not be an arm's length away, your support system is still going to be there for you, and that you will soon discover a world full of people that will be there for you and inspire you in new ways, too. Know that you don't always need a banana to start your day. Change is uncomfortable, but necessary. If you want to move forward in life, you have to accept that change will be a part of it. Just prepare yourself as best you can and be ready to move forward.

Unknown. Change. Failure... I am not going to say, "do not fear failure." Because I think that in a lot of ways, a little bit of that fear helps motivate us, helps us reach new heights. I know that I am not the only one in this room that rewrote Mr. Saludis's notes because he told us it would help us do better, or who did the completely optional practice problems when preparing for a physics or calculus test, even though we were probably among the only ones in the class who didn't really need to. So do maintain a little bit of that motivational fear, but do not let that fear cripple you. You have tasted success, and though it may not be as easy as you move forward, you have everything that it takes to achieve whatever goals you set.

I was on the track team when I was here. I was actually a sprinter, and during my senior year, our team won the championship. But you don't see many people sprinting for recreation and so for a long time, I didn't do much running. I tried to stay fit, though, and found that I felt best when I exercised. (I strongly recommend exercise, even when you have the least time for it, you will find that is when you benefit most from it.) Anyway, once I had kids, I didn't find it as easy schedule-wise to go to do a lot of the stuff that I had been doing, so I came back to running, something that can be done pretty much anytime, anywhere. Now, I mentioned I was a sprinter. Never have I "enjoyed" distance running. So, for a while when I first started, it was a little bit of torture. I remember on one run in particular, all I wanted to do was stop and walk. On that run, I had a kind of realization. As I was running, I realized that most of it was mental...I wanted to walk, but what was stopping me from running to that next stop sign? Sure, my legs were getting tired, but they were still carrying me forward, and they didn't hurt - at least not in an injury kind of way. My breathing was labored, but no worse than the half-mile before. I broke my run into short goals - get to the next stop sign...get to the next street...and I finished what I set out to do. Life is mostly mental. You have to decide what you want to do, convince yourself that you can, and then find a way to get it done. Set manageable goals, and once you do, don't give yourself an out, don't say "I'll try". Just figure out a way to get it done and do it. Work hard. With where you are now, I don't think you have had much of a problem with that so far - don't stop now. There is a great Nike quote that says, "The only one who can tell you you can't is you. And you don't have to listen." You can reach your goals. It's all mental.

For some, setting and reaching goals will mean success. But keep in mind you have an entire life to live. You have an entire life through which to define your success.

Do not miss out on the bigger successes in life due to any amount of fear of failure. I had read it before, but in a new frame of mind, I recently reread a passage by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said:

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

When it comes to the big picture, do not fear failure. Live a good life, and create your success. It is all mental. It is all within you. You have already set yourself up for every success in the world.

And there is one last thing that I want to leave you with, and this doesn't really have to do with fears, but is something that has become kind of my mantra over the years. Through the moments in your life, good and bad, please keep in mind that someday, this will all be a memory. As I was struggling through the writing process for this speech, I had to remind myself of this. I was stressed out and frightened of the public speaking, and probably of the possibility of failure, but I knew that one way or another, come the end of June 9th, this speech would be a memory. It would be behind me, for better or for worse. (And hey - no panic attack!) There will be challenging, and difficult moments in your life, ones that you would rather not experience. There will be uncertainty and change, and you will probably experience failure on some level at some point. But someday, you will be through it, and those moments will be nothing but memories, so get through them with the knowledge that they will be behind you and that they have made you stronger. There will also be joyous, sweet, laughter-filled, and precious moments in your life. Like the others, those moments will pass by, too, and will be nothing but memories. Love life and the people you have in your life with all of your being. Let your kids play in the cabinets. Enjoy those moments while you are in them; embrace them; let them fill you up.

As I sat here 15 years ago, I had no idea what my future held. But I wanted to be successful. I have no doubt that I am. I wanted to be rich. I am richer than I would have ever dreamed.

As you make your way on this new journey, do not let fears hinder you. Go out with confidence and experience the world and all of its unknowns. Find your success. Become rich.

Congratulations.