Sometimes Plan B is Awesome

With plans to run with my running buddy suddenly derailed on Thursday, I was left with a few options:  1.  Run by myself at 8pm in the dark, 2.  Skip the run, or 3.  Figure out somehow to run that somehow incorporated the kids while John was at taekwondo.  I opted for #3.  It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my week.

The neighborhood across from ours is essentially a mile loop with cul de sacs that add another mile or so.  Though my original plan for the evening was to run about 5-6 miles, I knew that I had to adjust that goal if my kids were involved.  I decided that 3 miles would suffice.  The kids got their helmets and bikes and I laced up.

Initially, I thought my kids would be outpacing me by a bit.  We had a plan for them to ride around the cul de sacs until I caught up and then we would head to the next one.  It turns out that I can run up hills faster than they can ride up hills.  There were enough hills that we more or less took the same amount of time to make it around.  In some cases, I had to stop for a bit to wait, but they gave it their best.

The hills turned out to be a highlight for me, as behind me I heard Everly, pushing up the hill, yell "Victory is mine!!"

I started down the hill before they made it to the top.  But I knew when they were right behind, as Everly yelled, "Comin' in hot!!"

As we continued, finally finding a flat stretch where we could keep pace with each other a bit better, Cortlan said to me, "Mommy, I love that you love to run."  That meant the world to me.

And it only got better.  We finished the run/ride with a couple more stops (and Cortlan asking, "Next time we stop, can I have a hug?"), and made it safely home.  As I was tucking the kids in for bed, Cortlan tells me, "That was a happy moment in my life."

I completely agree.

Someone else said it better...

Back at it

A few of my family members have been involved in a "100 Days of Happiness" project and I have enjoyed reading their facebook posts and keeping up with what makes them happy.  There have been a few signs lately that have indicated to me that it is time to get back to paying attention to the little things and looking at the good in my life and I think that doing something similar might be a good start.  I was initially considering doing so in May, but why not start now?

(Disclaimers:  1.  I am going to try to post something little every day for a while...something that happened, something that makes me happy, something I appreciate, something I heard or read, something positive.  It may or may not happen that way.  I have no intention to create lengthy posts with deep thoughts or grandiose stories.  Every now and then, that may happen, but not as the norm.  2.  Some of you may find this to be something you don't care to read.  Some posts will no doubt be trite.  I am ok with that.  This is something I am doing more for myself than anyone else.  I encourage you to do something for yourself, too!)

I hope to enjoy what's to come.  I hope you enjoy what's to come in your life, too.  Maybe I will get to be part of it.  That would make me happy.  :)

What I am loving right now...

• That the sun is finally shining and the weather is warming up, which means windows rolled down, fresh air, and not needing five layers to run outside.  (It has seriously been the longest winter...it was snowing on my run two days ago.)
• That my little girl is coming home with words like onomatopoeia and equinox and entomologist and that she knows what they mean and is excited to tell us.
• That my little boy picked up Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Sunday and read out loud for a solid hour on Sunday just because he wanted to.  He needed help with words here and there, but I was happy to oblige as I worked in the kitchen, listening.
• That Everly is ready to ride her bike the minute we get home.
• That Cortlan was so proud of himself after completing his first gymnastics meet - he did a fantastic job!
• That even after 12+ years of teaching, I am still finding ways to improve every day. 
• The "I love you's" I hear from my kids.
• April Fool's jokes.
• And this: 
  
• And this:
  

Happy New Year 2013

The year 2012 did not necessarily end on a high note for us...with a funeral, a trip to the ER on Christmas Eve, nearly everyone in my family (including extended family) getting sick, and being holed up in the house and having to cancel or postpone plans with friends and family we were to get together with, I seriously could use a do-over for the last couple of weeks.

But there were some great things that happened through the year...new friendships developed, old ones were reaffirmed and strengthened, new memories were made and milestones reached, growth and change happened all around us.  Those things cannot be overlooked.  Life is good.

Still not one for resolutions, I do appreciate the sense of starting fresh and beginning a new journey.  I feel as though I lost focus of a few things last year, and my hope is to bring the right things back into perspective.  In comparison to the prior couple of years, for one reason or another, I would say that I was a bit more negative, self-doubting, and insecure in 2012.  I would like to change that.  I would like to continue to strive for balance and renew my efforts to savor the moments in life that make it so special.

Shortly after the clock struck 12 last night, my neighbor said, "I resolve to be happy in 2013!"

Sounds good to me.

Half Marathon #3

When I ran a half marathon through the city streets in May, though I was proud and satisfied, I was mostly happy it was over.  I enjoyed the race only on some mental level that I am not quite satisfied with, or at least not enough to want a repeat performance.  The early-bird registration for the 2013 version of that race has come and gone, and I have no desire to sign up.  After that race, I took a short break and then resumed running, though without any goals in mind.  I continued running, often meeting with a new running partner, through the summer, and then, surprisingly, into the fall.  My mileage steadily increased as my friend and I talked away the dark evening miles after the kids were in bed during the week and I headed out at daybreak on the weekends.  With no goal in mind, I actually wasn't sure when to stop or what to do.  In late September, my friend finally convinced me to run the half marathon that she was training for; somewhat reluctantly, I did.

My reluctance was largely due to the fact that I was kind of enjoying the no pressure runs.  With no plan, I didn't have any regrets when I cut a run short.  I didn't care if I did sprints, or hill workouts, or tempo runs.  When I felt like it, I went a bit faster, when I didn't, I went slower.  But I also felt as though I needed a "grand finale" to this season of running.  Not that I am going to totally stop, but I kind of was missing something to work for, after which I could give myself permission to cool it for a bit.

About a month prior to the race, I signed up not having the slightest clue as to how I would do.  I had certainly been putting in the miles.  At my peak, I was running over 30 miles a week; typically, more in the 26-28 range.  I knew I had it in me to finish without an issue.  I had also done some workouts with my friend here and there when our schedules aligned and we wanted to.  But I really didn't know what to expect from myself.  Therefore, I didn't put a whole lot of pressure on myself. 

It was a chilly morning, with threatening rain.  My friend picked me up at 6:30 AM and five of us drove the 40 minutes or so to the race packet pick-up location.  We got our timing chips and bags and got on the school bus that served as the shuttle to the start.  Once there, we headed into the heated building that was available.  I did my fair share of waiting in lines for the porta potties but otherwise managed to stay warm.  Soon, it was time to line up.

The five of us that drove together split off, with two sticking together and the rest of us going at it alone.  The gun went off and so did we.  Stuck in a large pack, I jockeyed myself through the sea of people until I was in a comfortable place with some elbow room.  We ran on the streets for about half of a mile, and then a hairpin turn took us down onto a trail that is part of a "Rails to Trails" program - unused railways have been converted into running paths; the rails are gone and crushed gravel and, in some places, asphalt have been put in their place.  As soon as I got onto the trail, I knew I was going to love this race.

One of the guys that rode with us had a similar race plan as me...we both planned to start at around an 8 minute mile pace and adjust from there.  When I was approaching the hairpin turn, I spotted him heading the other direction.  I got to within about six feet of him and decided to hang there behind him for a while.  He had no idea I was there, and I later found out that he thought I was ahead of him.  I let him pace me at between 7:55 and 8:00 miles for a while before he noticed me.  I was surprised at how easily I was able to maintain that pace, but I still didn't feel confident enough to speed up at all.

I had thrown together a play list the night before, and I was loving it.  At around mile 7 or 8, a great song came on that made me itch to run faster.  I pulled up beside my friend and said, "Are you ready?" He said, "You go."  I did.

As I ran, oftentimes singing along to my music, I was struck by the beauty of the course.  All around me were trees with beautiful fall foliage.  At one point, to my right was a lake.  For much of the course, there was a creek to my left.  I passed a water fall.  There were boulders and cliffs.  The skies cleared and the sun shined through the tree branches.  Leaves, blown by the slight breeze, fluttered down.  For a little while, I tried to catch them as I ran, thinking that Cortlan and Everly would love to have a leaf that I caught during my race.  I soaked it all up and enjoyed it; this was such a different experience than May. 

And I could hardly believe it, but my legs felt great. 

As I came upon mile 10, I still felt like I had another gear left.  In that mile, I averaged 7:51 as I slowly caught and passed people.  I did the same for mile 11.  Something fantastic happened in mile 12 and without looking at my watch until the end of the mile, I was able to average a 7:36.  With 0.2 mile to go, I could see the finish line and I began to go as fast as my legs could carry me...I brought it home with a 6:59 pace.

With low expectations, a beautiful downhill course, and what turned out to be perfect race conditions, I finished with a personal record of 1:43:05.70.  What's even better is that this may be one of my favorite runs ever.

_____________________________________________

Here are my results:

Finish time: 1:43:05.70
Overall Place: 164/822
Division Place: 7/87
Female Place: 35/426
Average Pace: 7:52/mi

Can this count as 4 posts?

A couple weeks later and here we are. This is what has been happening.

EVERLY:

• has started calling her brother "Cotlan" instead of "Totlan."
• wore jewelry to school three out of five days last week; one of those days, she got her necklace taken away because she wouldn't stop playing with it, even when her teacher asked her repeatedly not to. She's not allowed to wear that one to school anymore.
• changed her clothes three or four times this morning before leaving for school. Ultimately, she wanted to wear a sweater. As soon as we got to school, she took it off anyway.
• has been getting out of her bed regularly at night. I finally told her that I am going to start marking down how many times she gets out of bed, and there are going to be consequences if she gets too many marks. (I have yet to figure out how many is "too many.")  Last night, she didn't get out of bed until 11pm, when she woke to go potty. (She won't get a mark for that.)
• loves cutting and gluing, is very good at recognizing her letters and letter sounds, and is very motivated to learn.
• thinks that she can spell, because she keeps randomly spouting off letters and asking me what that spells. For example: "Mommy, what does 't-t-t-t-l-p-l-r-y' spell?." Usually, I sound out what she spells and then tell her it isn't a word. Once, though, she said, "Mommy, what does 'e-a-r-l-y' spell?" I had to give that one to her. Cortlan was amazed she could spell "early".
• doesn't care much about saving things. When she is done, it can be thrown away.
• started gymnastics and loves it. Though, she needed to be sure to have the ponytail holder that matched the leotard she wore.

CORTLAN:

• laughs and says "You kicked me?? No you didn't!" when his sister clearly means "tricked." He calls her on her mispronunciations all the time...maybe that is why she has started to say his name right.
• was on "yellow" three out of five days last week at school when we picked him up. This isn't as bad as red, but he should be on green. His teacher said, "He was being way too silly with his friends."
• has been doing a great job at getting himself dressed in the morning. For the most part.
• seems to be taking advantage of his color blindness (for John's benefit: his color vision deficiency). Several of the worksheets that he has had lately have required him to correctly identify colors. For example, he was to color all of the pictures that rhymed with "boat" blue and the ones that rhymed with "jar" red. Other worksheets had him using as many as eight or ten colors. I asked his teacher how he has been doing with those activities. She said that his friends help him tremendously, giving him all of the crayons, telling him what color they are. "Here, Cortlan, this is the brown one! This is the red one!" I can just picture it.
• went to the allergist in August and found out that, among the things for which he was tested, he is severely allergic to grass, ragweed, two other weeds that I can't remember, oak, and cat. He did not show a response for crab, lobster, or shrimp. He is on a nasal spray, a liquid allergy medicine, and eye drops. Yesterday, at the follow-up appointment, we found that he may have to get his adenoids removed. An ENT appointment is up next to find more information about that.
• must save everything. It is driving me crazy. Every piece of paper. Every bottle cap, paper towel tube, even the used dixie cups he drinks water out of at school. He sobbed when I told him we were going to have to throw some of it away.
• started soccer again. He got a goal in the first game and was thrilled! The second game didn't go quite as well, but he did seem to enjoy it. He is really liking gymnastics.

JOHN:

• has been working hard and doing a great job at what he does. I am proud of him...it isn't easy to deal with as many people as he does with the grace and respect in which he does it. He is very appreciated at work and at home.
• has been able to experience the "gymnastics thing" this year which involves listening to a whole lot of moms chatting away in the viewing room. He is driven as crazy (or crazier) than I typically am.
• washes dishes like nobody's business.

I:

• have been wondering how I got such a high maintenance daughter.  Seriously. 
• can't believe that I spelled kindergarten incorrectly in two posts. And my mom had to call me to let me know about it.
• have been running regularly (though half the time not getting home until after 9pm) and finally was convinced to sign up for my 3rd half-marathon.  I have a running buddy that I get to run in the evenings with most days, and I have been loving the opportunity to chat and have some social time while exercising.  Often, it is the only socializing I get to do.
• have had some very stressful days at work lately, but I am kind of proud of myself in how I handled them.
• am somehow calmly appreciating my life.  I have alone time (kind of); I have time when it is just me and the kids; I have time when it is the four of us; I have time when it is just John and I...and I appreciate and enjoy all of those times for what they are.  I realize that I need all of that, and that it is all good.

Stained fingertips

My alarm went off at 6 AM this morning, as it has every day this summer.  I pressed the snooze alarm; ten minutes later I pressed it again.  It is nice to have that luxury.  It is also nice to wake before the kids, get the cup of coffee that is waiting for me thanks to a programable coffee pot, and go sit on the porch or deck to enjoy it. 

This morning, the air was cool and crisp...a warm welcome after the stifling heat and humidity of the heat wave that only broke on Sunday.  I believe it was seven consecutive days of above 90 degree temps that led us to this point - a point where an 80 degree day feels like a cool relief.  I will take it either way - in the 90 degree temps, we enjoyed the pool tremendously.  We also enjoyed the air conditioning every now and then, like when we took a trip to Chuck E. Cheese's for the afternoon.

But today was a perfect day to be outside.  We were at the park by 9 AM...the kids rode bikes, I ran.  We cleaned the car, inside and out.  We swung on the swings...Cort is finally getting the hang of pumping his legs.  

And then we got on our sneakers and headed to the woods for a walk.  Our neighbors told us they had found blackberry bushes, and we even got to taste one of the berries last night as a tease.  Today, the kids were ready to claim their own.  As we got deeper into the woods, we were concerned we wouldn't find any.  But as the denser trees cleared into an overgrown field with high bushes and plants of all sorts, we spotted our first prize. 

With our red Solo cups, we collected berry after berry, staining our fingertips as we went.  I told the kids about my berry picking adventures as a kid and told them how much I enjoyed walking in the woods.  "Me, too!" they both responded. 

Honestly, I am not sure which of us enjoyed it more today.

Father's Day

We drove a mile down the road last Wednesday with the kids in the backseat, their bikes in the trunk.  Donning thier helmets, they pedaled down the path as John and I tried to keep up with them.  The air was warm but crisp; the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds here and there; the sun was shining; and when you looked up you saw the green leaves of mature trees that left dotted shadows on the path. 

Everly pedaled as fast as her little legs could circle.  Cortlan worked to stay just ahead of her.  At one point, we pulled off the side of the path to look at the creek that cut through the woods beside us.  We watched and listened to the water, spotted some fish, talked about what they may have been thinking about.

What I was thinking about was how blessed I am to have days like these...perfect summer days like these.  Days that I want to forever etch in my memory as full of simple happiness with my family.  I was thinking about what a great dad John is and how lucky the kids and I are to have him.  It was definitely a Kairos moment.

Today, Father's Day, as the kids sleep peacefully and the sun shines and I sip my coffee in a comforting silence, I think again about lucky we are.  I have a husband- my kids have a dad- who is kind-hearted, open-minded, hard-working, and thoughtful.  He looks forward to Daddy-Daughter date night.  He builds Lego creations on the floor with Cortlan.  He lets my kids be who they are.  He tries to understand them and thinks about their needs and wants.  He helps them grow.  He enjoys spending time with them.  He gives them so much love.  And I hope on this Father's Day he knows how much we love him. 

Daddy-Daughter Date Night

I painted her nails in the morning, got her in her dress late in the afternoon, brushed her hair, put in a headband, and slipped on her silver sandals.  Everly was ready for her Daddy-Daughter Date Night, which she had been looking forward to all day.  Chick-fil-a hosts the event and this was the third year that John and Everly had gone.  A very well-organized event, they took RSVPs and even had a personalized flower for Everly.  According to John, she was quite the slow eater but was a perfect little lady through the whole dinner.

Everly was so excited about this flower that she had John text me about it before they got home.

I know that Everly loved her special time with Daddy.  On the way home, she said, "I feel like my whole body is full of flowers."  What a great feeling.  What a great dad.

Another year older

Some random thoughts and things related to my birthday...

• I turned 35 last week, and was surprisingly emotional about turning another year older.  But I am looking forward to the unfolding of a new year full of growth and possibility, and I can't help but to reflect on how blessed I am.
• I have fantastic and thoughtful friends and family, and thanks to them, I will be running safely and in good style in the months to come, I will have plenty to read about running with a two-year subscription to Runner's World, and my toes will soon get some much needed attention.  I will have tomatoes to eat while sitting on my back deck, listening to my wind chimes, admiring my flowers, with a cool drink in hand.  Oh, and I currently have a beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting on my desk and a new candle on my counter.   I have so much to be thankful for, and I am not even referring to the gifts.
• John got me an early birthday present and gave it to me in April - a new camera, which I love and have used almost daily.  This is why I was surprised to see a present for me on the counter when I got home from work on my birthday.  I was so touched by the gift - my new Willow Tree figurines of "The Spirited Child" and "The Caring Child" are perfect and look perfect on my entryway shelf.  And the gardening shovel that the kids picked out is much needed, as I used Everly's mini shovel to do much of my planting this year.
• I got to eat my current favorite ice cream - Graham Central Station - on my birthday, and it was delicious.  (This year, I called ahead to make sure they had it before we made the trip.)  And speaking of trips, the evening was made extra special by Everly going head over heals, ice cream flying through the air, knee bleeding, elbow bleeding.  But at least the ice cream landed bowl side down.  At least, that is, until she started to eat it and then sent it flying onto the ground, covering the top of her strawberry ice cream in gravel sprinkles.  Fortunately, the girls at the counter shed pity on us and were willing to give us another bowl for free.  And ice cream does wonders in making the tears go away.
• This year, I feel like my birthday lasted for days.  Friends who we don't see nearly enough came to stay with us for the weekend.  I got to sing with the neighbors on their porch, guitar accompaniment and all. (I wish I had been given the gift of a great voice, but at least I have been given kind and tolerant friends.)  I got to hang by my parent's pool on Monday for a cookout with my family.
• I feel that at 35 I am still finding myself.  My guess is that won't really end for me.  But when I look around, I am so happy to find myself where I am and with whom I am.  Life is good.

Life is full

I have realized over the last few years that I have much more control over my own happiness than I ever knew before.  And let me tell you, I am working it.  I have long heard from many people that though you can't control what happens to you, you can control how you react to it and that your attitude has so much to do with your happiness.  I completely agree; once I am in a situation that cannot be changed, at least I have control over my attitude.  But what I am talking about goes even beyond that.  I now realize that I don't have to even put myself in many of the situations that used to cause me stress.  I realize that I have a fair amount of control over how I spend my time and that I can choose to spend it in a way that brings me happiness.  And I can change things.  And I can make decisions that bring change.  When I can also find a nice balance between all of the things that have become priorities in my life, I am in bliss.

On Saturday, I woke up early and headed to my college alma mater.  The campus has changed quite a bit since I was there last.  The building in which I spent most of my hours as an undergrad physics major has been completely renovated.  Touring the facility, I was amazed at the changes.  I am on the advisory board of the Physics Department there, and was happy to see many of my former professors and to interact and chat with them and the other members of the board.  And I was happy to contribute in a positive, albeit minor, way to the well-being of the department.

I got home at around 2:30 and at 3:30 the four of us headed to the birthday party of a classmate of Everly's whose brother happens to be a classmate of Cortlan's.  From there, we went home for a quick turnaround, dropped the kids off at my parent's house at around 7:00 and headed out to a surprise birthday party for a co-worker.  There, we had a great time socializing with old and new friends.

Despite a late night, I was up early yesterday to complete my first nine-mile run of my training for the half-marathon coming up on May 6th.  This was a milestone, as my longest run pre-injury was eight miles, and I have now finally surpassed that mark as I make my comeback.

We got Everly's pictures taken, which was a bit of an ordeal, and then spent the rest of the day yesterday around the house..

So this weekend, I didn't spend as much time as usual cleaning, though my house is relatively clean.  I got to be "professional" Joyce.  I got to hang out with my husband and friends in a social situation without kids.  I got to hang out with my kids and do the "mom" thing.  I got to rock a long run.  I got to relax a bit, and I tried my best to not stress.  I found a pretty decent balance.  I was tired.  But I was happy.

On the plus side

I have had an emotional and pretty crappy few days.  But if I look closely, it wasn't all bad...

• After spending 29 hours in the high school auditorium chaperoning/sponsoring the Actors' Society's 29 Hour Show, I am happy to say that our organization raised $1000 for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.
• John brought the kids to visit for a while during my time at the school.  We played a fun game of hide and seek in the auditorium, and when on a quick trip to print scripts in my room, they drew me a picture that was the highlight of my Monday morning, when I found it was still there.

To the left, a house in outer space...see the helmets on the people?  the stars?  To the right, Everly's rendition of a waterfall.

• Despite the time consumed by the function, I managed to get my miles in over the weekend, put together a GeoTrax train track with the kids that took over the entire living room floor, and most of the laundry and grocery shopping still got done.
• I didn't get my six miles in on Monday, but at least I got four.
• For the first time in months, I had some time to think.  Granted, in that time of thinking and self-reflection, I realized some things about myself that I don't like so much, but at least I got to think and figure some things out, and now I know what I need to work on.
• I remembered that my happiness doesn't come from anywhere but within me and that I can't expect others to make me happy.  But chasing the kids on their bikes on a sixty degree January day certainly does make it a bit easier to find that happiness.

I love you, too

Sometimes she sings it, sometimes she says it sweetly, but nearly everytime, it is unexpected and makes me smile. 

"I love you, too, Mommy!"

Of course, I love to hear my kids tell me that they love me, but what makes this phrase special to me at times like this morning is that Everly says it before I tell her that I love her.  And she doesn't always say it like this.  In a normal conversation I might say, "I love you, Ev." And she will respond appropriately.  Sometimes she tells me, "I love you, Mommy."  And I will respond.

But I just love it when she starts off with, "I love you TOO, Mommy!"  Because it makes me feel like she knows how much I love her...even before I say it, even without words.

It was a Good Day.

I thought I had lost $30 the week before Christmas but this morning I found it.
I was eating my breakfast, which is the last thing I typically do before waking my kids, when one and then the other showed their smiling faces in the kitchen and said "Good morning!"
Everly brought me her pink tights and said, "I want to wea dese today!"

I wish I could say that I taught a killer lesson, but it was fine.
I did, however, have a student ask me about pursuing physics as a career, and I had a former student come back for a visit, which is always nice and validating.

On my way to get the kids from school, I stopped at Aldi's to pick up some peppers and chicken.  While I was there, I found Christmas Reece's peanut butter cups on sale for $0.99.

I picked up the kids, who were as happy as could be, and on the radio, Absolutely Mindy was asking her listeners what they thought makes a "good day." Everly said, "Sunshine."

We got home and I didn't turn on the computer, as I often do. Instead, I changed my clothes and got down on the floor with the kids. We played with the Loving Family dollhouse, the batmobile, and the batcopter, simultaneously. (The babies were superheroes and are, in fact, quite skilled at flying.)

I cooked this for dinner while the kids colored pictures for me.  ("Is this beautiful, Mommy?" Absolutely. "Look, Mommy! I made a "H"!" Awesome!)  And the meal was delicious.

The kids watched fifteen minutes of Sesame Street by request and learned about amphibians while I quickly cleaned the kitchen and read this blog post, which was recommended by a friend. I loved this post and consequently fell in love with the concepts of Chronos time and Kairos time.  

Chronos time is the chronological, sequential time that we live in.  As the author of the post says, "It’s regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s staring down the clock till bedtime time, it’s ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it’s four screaming minutes in time out time, it’s two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in." 

Kairos time is the time in between, a special time, or as the author says, "Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still."

Kairos is the exact concept of the moments that I try to find and appreciate in my life.  The desire for Kairos may actually be the reason I write this blog.  Not every moment is a Kairos moment, for sure.  But sometimes I think that it is far too easy in this world, in this life, for every moment to become a Chronos one if you don't pay attention, if you don't slow down just a little bit, every now and then.

After my fifteen minutes in the kitchen, I sat on the couch with my arms around my kids who were snuggled up on either side of me and we watched a bit of Abby Cadabby.  I was present.  Without realizing what was happening, I felt my kids' skin, and I watched the smiles slowly form on their faces, and I watched as Everly got down from the couch and danced with reckless abandon, and I noticed Cortlan adjust my hand on his knee and hold his hand on top of mine.  And my senses were overwhelmed, and my heart was full.

What makes a day a good day?  Today, Kairos.  And sunshine.

A rainy fall weekend

Despite the rain that hasn't stopped since about 8 AM Saturday morning and the temps that dropped a little too low for my tastes, the weekend was a pretty good one.  At least on a working mom scale.  The highlights:

• Pizza, wine, cookie cake, and chips with the neighbors.  Gotta love Friday night health food and great friends.
• My first October run that I can ever remember.  The best part?  I got my 6.5 miles in just before the rain started on Saturday.
• Our nephew's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese.  Ok, I know some people would lose it if they found out they had to go to Chuck's on a Saturday morning and spend time and money while crazed kids ran around and a large rat occasionally appeared out of nowhere.  But, I actually enjoyed it...from finding my zone playing Shrek pinball (I miss having a pinball machine in my basement like I did when I was growing up) to watching Cort throw the skeeball overhand across two other lanes (seriously, it is hard to believe there aren't more head traumas from skeeball), I have to admit, I enjoyed myself.  And getting to see family was pretty cool, too.
• A shopping trip to Kohl's.  Woo hoo for a 30% off coupon and a running jacket that was on sale...among other sale and clearance items for the fam.  I love a good bargain.
• A four-mile Sunday morning run in the rain and cold.  Why is this a good thing?  Because I did it and now I know I can bring myself to do it again.  I am on my way to easing into the winter runs that I have never before attempted.  (Thanks, in part, to the aforementioned new running jacket.)
• A very cool Heroes and Villains exhibit at the Andy Warhol Museum featuring the comic book art of Alex Ross.  Granted, due to an infringement on nap time, we had to drag Everly out of the place kicking and screaming (literally), but it was fun while it lasted.  And the kids got to silkscreen a tote bag with fun "Bang!" and "Pow!" comic book designs.
• A lazy, rainy, Sunday evening spent removing too-small clothes from the kids' drawers and decorating for fall, topped off with a pot roast dinner.

Perfect.  But that's just my opinion.

The Race Weekend, Part 2: The Race

Sleeping in my own bed may have been nice the night before the race, but at the very least, staying in a hotel forced me to plan for the morning well beforehand.  The alarm went off.  I turned on the coffee pot.  I brushed my teeth and got dressed in my layers that were all ready to go (with my bib already pinned).  I ate half of a chocolate muffin, drank my coffee, checked my ipod and laced up my shoes (with the chip already tied on).  As the kids and my parents still slept peacefully next door, John and I headed out the door at 5:45 AM.

With the race being held so close to the hotel, it was no time at all before I was getting out of the car and making my way down the dark path lit by orange glow sticks toward the sound of music being played near the starting line.  And it was no time at all before the full body shivers began, partly because of the cold air and partly because of nerves.  I had to be there by 6, but my race didn't start until 7:30, after the full marathon and 5K had already begun, leaving me plenty of time to stand in the line for the bathrooms.  Twice.  (Again, nerves.)  Fortunately, my neighbor was there, too, and we got to talk and laugh the time away.  Soon enough, I was lining up at the start.

The gun went off, I started my watch, and I concentrated on my pace, trying hard to heed the advice from so many:  Don't start too fast.  I felt great, but I knew I had to hold back.  There were plenty of miles to go.  When I got to the first water station, I couldn't believe how fast the first mile went.  I looked at my watch: 7:26.  And people were passing me left and right. 

When I began training for this race in April, my training plan perplexed me.  In the plan were written tempo runs, runs that included certain distances at marathon pace, hill sprints, and more.  I had no idea how to figure out what my marathon pace was without ever having run one.  I had no idea at what pace to run for tempo runs when I hadn't run a race since before being injured.  Unlike my high school sprinting days, when I ran as fast as I possibly could for 100 or 200 meters, I realized that this distance running was going to require some thinking and control.  And if it was going to work, I had to have a goal.  I adjusted my goal throughout the training, as I realized of what I was capable.  And not capable.  And when I got to the race day, I had in my head goals in three tiers: what I would be happy with, what I hoped for (which was what I thought I might be able to do on a great day), and what I would love to achieve.  On the pace band that I wore on my wrist was a little better than what I hoped for: 1:45, which was about an 8:01 pace.

So as people passed me through the first couple of miles, I just focused on my music and the sights, and tried to keep my pace.  The second mile came at right around 16:15.  I had slowed a bit too much, so I picked it up and found some people to keep an eye on.  I took my long sleeved shirt off at mile 3.  The sun was just above the horizon over the water to my right.  I tried to take mental pictures as it shone through the trees on such a crisp, beautiful morning.  I looked straight up and couldn't help but to smile.  As I write this almost a week later, the picture is still there.

The miles clipped by.  Water/sports drinks at every mile helped me keep track of time.  As always, I sang along to my tunes, a great play list I had put together specifically for this race.  I tried to keep my voice quiet, though, and did a lot of lip syncing, especially around people who didn't also have earphones.  But, honestly, I was so excited to be running that it was hard to not dance just a little here and there, too.

Near mile 8, I was right on pace.  I had been running near a particular couple for much of the race, and suddenly I heard the guy say "time to go."  At first, I wasn't sure whether he fell back, or if she took off, or if both happened.  But suddenly, I was running ahead of him and she was pulling away from me.  I got out of the trance I had been in for the previous few miles, and refocused.

It was hard, having never before run 13.1 miles, to know how much to have in reserve as mile 10 came along.  I increased my pace ever so slightly.  At mile 11, I finally figured out how to drink from a dixie cup while running without most of it splashing on me or making me nearly choke or drown.  At mile 12, when I still felt great, I knew that it was time to go.  I hit my power song on the ipod, and pushed, with adrenaline rushing through me.  I was nearly there.

The power song ended, one more song came on, and I kept singing...this time perhaps too loud.  The guy that I passed on the left said, "I hate you right now."  I smiled. 

The song ended.  The finish line was almost in sight.  And through my headphones suddenly blared "Hey Diddle, Diddle."  WHAT?!!  Seriously.  I have no idea why, and I can't figure out how.  The song was definitely not on my play list.  But, though pushing the power song again (because I certainly couldn't finish the race with "Hey Diddle, Diddle"), I couldn't help but to run a little faster having been reminded of my kids and how so much I do, including running this race, has so much to do with them.

I approached the finish line, and tried to look for my family.  I couldn't see them, but I could hear them.  "Go Joyce!"  I heard my mom say.  I raised my arms, and seconds later crossed the line, finishing with a time that I loved to achieve.

Almost a week later, I still can't shake the feeling of pride from running this race, and I am not trying to.  I know a lot of people that have run many half marathons, and perhaps some may think I am being a little too dramatic or am making a bigger deal of this than I should, but I am hoping that they know exactly how I feel and can totally relate.  There is just something about setting a goal, working hard for months in preparation, and then achieving or even surpassing that goal.  I enjoyed every moment of this race, wouldn't change a thing, and would totally do it again.

__________________________________________________
Here are the results of my first half marathon, September 18, 2011

Time: 1:43:54
Pace: 7:56/mile
Division Place: 4/72
Female Place: 17/440
Overall Place: 97/800

The Race Weekend, Part 1

Besides an awesome race (which I will write about in another post), this weekend was fantastic for many other reasons, including great family time and funny moments. It started out in a pretty stressful way, with me not having gotten all of the packing done Friday night (because I was exhausted and thought that sleeping would be a good idea) and then waking up Saturday with nearly no voice, feeling quite under the weather. Our scheduled departure time was 10AM; the following picture was taken a little after 11AM on the street in front of my house. (For the record, my house looks NOTHING like those across the street...ours is about 30 years older.)

You may notice in that picture that there are three motorcycles and four adults.  My parents made the trip with us on this gorgeous early fall weekend.  My mom, dad, and John all took their motorcycles, and I followed in the car with the kids, rocking out to Kids Place Live most of the way.

 

The fourth motorcycle is that of friends of my parent's.  They joined us for some of the ride.

 

We took our time getting to our destination, which would have taken about two hours had we gone the less scenic route.  We stopped for a great lunch, and then again at a Harley dealership. Harleys weren't the only thing they sold.

When we arrived at our "fake home" as Cortlan called it all weekend, we were slightly disappointed to find that we didn't have the adjoining rooms that we had asked for, but we did have rooms next to one another.  Regardless, the kids loved it. And of course, they gave us plenty to laugh about.  Like, when Cortlan was told to go to the bathroom in room A, but instead showed up in room B and John asked, "Why didn't you just go in the other room like I asked you to?"  Cortlan very seriously (but clearly not truthfully) said, "I don't know how to go to the bathroom over there."  To which Everly replied, "Wit your penis, Tort."  Um, yeah, Cort.  Duh.

After getting unpacked (and using the bathrooms), we went to get my race packet and were happy to see an awesome playground at the packet pick up area, which would also be the Start/Finish line area.

A small purchase from the running vendors later, and we went to check out the lake.

Perhaps the highlight for the kids, though, was pizza in the hotel room followed by their first indoor pool experience ever, where Cortlan swam for the first time without any flotation devices.

Can you tell he was proud after his first solo swim?

As the day came to a close, my thoughts went to the early wake up call I was going to be getting, and then immediately to the hotel experience that we had in June.  Fortunately, my parents stepped in and saved the day by offering to let the kids sleep in their room.  The story is that they finally were asleep at about 10:30.  I was dreaming sweet dreams by then.

And after a slightly rough night of sleep, the alarm went off at 5:10 AM...

The Good, The Bad

I figure there is always two sides to the coin, always some good and some bad about everything.  Or, something nice and something that kinda sucks.  Here are a few examples:

Kids growing up:
Kinda sucks: We will never get to experience this again.
Kinda nice:  We will never have to experience this again.

Having a broken dryer:
Kinda nice:  Having a great excuse to not do laundry.
Kinda sucks:  People tend to still wear fresh clothes every day.  The pile is growing.  And growing.

Training for a half marathon:
Kinda nice:  I am pretty sure my legs haven't looked better since high school.
Kinda sucks:  My second toenail on my left foot will never be the same again.  I hope a pedicure can at least disguise it a little bit for the wedding I am in this weekend.

Kids that sleep until 8AM:
Kinda nice:  I get to sleep til 8 AM, also.  Or, I can set my alarm and have a cup of coffee, check my e-mail, and go for a run all before they wake up.
Kinda sucks:  The fact that I will have to wake them at 6 AM to get to school on time.  I am pretty sure that is going to be torturous for all involved.

Going back to school:
Kinda sucks: Um. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. But man I am going to miss the summertime freedom to hang out with John and the kids, run in the morning, plan the day on a whim, and sleep.
Kinda nice: The return of structure and routine, the chance of a great group of students, the opportunity to start fresh and do things even better this time around.

Here is to focusing on the positive.

(Feel free to add your own in the comments!)

Balance

I realize in my life that one of the most important things contributing to my sense of happiness is balance.    Work, play, family, friends, self, and exercise...all priorities in my life, all with their place, all necessary in my "big picture."  I find my stress levels rise as soon as the balance shifts too heavily towards one thing or too far away from another.

And here we are, August 11, with the start of school just around the corner.
And any balance that I have achieved this summer will soon be gone, and I will have to find a new balance.  And that really stresses me out. 

How do I spend the last days of summer?

Do I relax on the deck and read a magazine?  Do I paint the walls?  Do I play on the floor with my kids?  Do I get on the computer and do some school work?  Do I go for a run?  Do I go to the museum or to the pool with the kids?  Do I go shopping?  Do I organize?  Do I go visit my friends?  Do I clean the house?  Do I set up playdates?  Do I get a babysitter and spend some time with John?  Do I take a moment to write a blog post?

How do I spend the last days of summer?  And how am I going to do all of the things that I want to do once school starts?

The reality is that I am not going to be able to do all of the things that I want to.  But hopefully, I will be able to find some balance. 

Balance is something I need to be happy.  Balance, however, is one of the hardest things for me to achieve.

But as I begin this new school year in a couple of short weeks, my resolution is to continue to strive towards that goal.  Balance...and perspective.